1. The meaningless ways in which various alcohol affects a person. "Tequila makes me hyper." "Red wine drunk is like SO much sleepier than Champagne drunk." "I never remember ANYTHING when I'm drinking Jack."
2. How drunk you were last night. "I was so drunk last night. Oh my god, so, get this: I put leftover pizza in the microwave and FORGOT about it. And THEN—LOL—I fell asleep! And I am SUCH A MORON—MY FAUCET WAS RUNNING WHILE I WAS PASSED OUT AND THEN I WOKE UP AND WAS HOLDING BLUE GATORADE. LIKE, WHEN DID I BUY BLUE GATORADE?"
3. The category of men you hate. "I hate men, they don't understand chivalry." "I hate nightclub men, they're SO sexually harass-y."
4. Marian Rivera.
5. How tired you are. "I just started Orange is the New Black and I could NOT turn it off. Are you on it yet? God I'm exhausted." *yawn*
6. Whether or not you should get your brows and upper lip threaded or waxed. Do you think it's worth paying this much in that salon? Or should I go to the other salon because they can do it for WAY cheaper. Will it hurt more if I get the cheaper one?
7. What you're naming your children.
8. Yoga. "I can do crow pose now. It's not hard. Just come to this class and you'll be able to do it, too. Omigosh and forearm stands!" [Friend then goes to class and fails to execute both crow pose and forearm stand.]
9. How hard that new exercise class you went to was. "That class was so hard. I can't even walk down the stairs properly! I hurt in places I never hurt before."
10. Makeup. "This overpriced lipstick is TOTALLY worth the splurge. It's one of those MLBB colors, you know? You should get one yourself. Get their eyeliner, too! It's super good. "
11. Snacks. "I can't decide what I want. Would it be gross to get an Twix? Maybe I should just get a cookie. Or Piattos?"
12. How you're boring and old now. "I used to go out ALL the time. Now I just stay in with Mike and drink red wine. Does that make me lame? Or is lame the new cool? Whatever."
13. How you don't really use Facebook anymore. "I used to go on all the time but at some point my feed just got clogged with baby photos and I can't take it anymore. Oh wait, I need to check us in at this restaurant."
14. Hashtags. "I LOVE that dress on you. Hashtag FABULOUS!"
15. Sales. "It's 50% off everything in Forever 21. And 20% off in the Zara across it. What's our battle plan?"
16. Whether or not you use LinkedIn. "In creative fields you don't need it. I only have it just to have it but not, you know, use it."
17. How relaxing National Geographic is. "It's pretty interesting to learn about how things are made, you know."
18. How you never have food in your apartment. "I don't know why but I can never seem to have groceries around. And then I go to my parents house and it's like, eight kinds of cookies AND at least three bags of chips. I just think, will that ever be me?"
19. How you can't believe it's only whatever day of the week it is. "I can't believe it's only Tuesday. Doesn't it feel like it should be Thursday? I'm going to basically die before this week ends, I just know it."
20. How insane/dumb/terrible people you work with are. "I can hear him clipping his nails at his desk at least once a week. Doesn't he know that's grade A disgusting? Men are stupid."
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.