9 Things I Wish I'd Known About Partying When I Was Younger

Smoking when drunk is a gateway to being a full-time smoker...and more hard-earned wisdom from a late-twenties booze enthusiast.

1. The best way to save money while partying is to bring a certain amount of cash to the bar and spend no more than that. 

When you are drunk and open a tab, money doesn't even feel real. It feels like you are getting free drinks! This is not the case. Not only does this solve the opening-a-tab-money-is-not-real problem, but you are also avoiding having to go to an ATM.

2. If you suspect you have left your credit card at the bar, call the bar IMMEDIATELY (if you're too hammered, have a friend do it) and check. 

I've waited until the morning after, and by then, God knows what could have happened to it. Also: Sheepishly slinking into the bar in the light of the following day to get your credit card from the smirking bartender is unavoidable. It happens to everybody; you shouldn't be embarrassed by it.

3. Nothing good happens after 2 a.m. 

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Everything is fine, and all of a sudden at approximately 2:01 a.m., everyone starts crying mascara-tears or fighting with their boyfriend or throwing up while trying to eat pizza at the same time. I, personally, have never once cried in a bar bathroom before 2 a.m. (After? Yeah, all the time in my early 20s.) This is also when giant creeps come out of the woodwork and aggressively hit on you. Trust me: It's a bad scene.

4. You're allowed to leave early. 

It is completely within your purview to observe D.O.L.E. (Drink one, leave early). I used to feel lame about letting my exhaustion or straight-up responsibilities dictate when I left parties, but it doesn't make you lame— it makes you someone who will wake up for work the next day without feeling like you just got hit by the Booze Truck.

5. "Beer before liquor, never been sicker," etc. is bullshit. 

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You hear approximately 7 zillion ways to "avoid hangovers," and this is one of the most-believed ones, undoubtedly made up by a dude who likes rhyming and just wanted to mess with people. Studies have shown that order doesn't matter—it's the amount you drink that gives you hangovers. So pounding vodka shots before you get to the beer garden under the impression that you are making the Smart Choice and will wake up hangover-free tomorrow, is very, very wrong.

6. Going to your ex's party when you still have feelings for him/her is not ever a good idea. 

Truly, never. Not even if your big plan is to show up in a super slinky dress and toss your bagong blowout in his face and be all, "Eat your heart out." Because this is what's going to happen:

7. Sex isn't better when you're drunk. 

The reason you want to make out with every single person/object in the bar and then stop is because making out is incredibly fun when drunk. Sex is less fun, especially if you're dizzy, and doesn't just pose the threat of whiskey dick for him—it's also harder for you to come. You will have much better sex when you're brave enough to try it sober.

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8. Smoking when drunk is a gateway to smoking when sober and stressed, which is a gateway to smoking when sober. 

Sure, it starts as social smoking, and you never think one year later you will be standing in the rain outside work, miserably puffing on a cigarette by yourself. But you will. And it'll suck. I'm still trying to quit entirely after starting as a social smoker at age 18 and progressing to full-on addiction.

9. Cigarettes will make your hangovers worse, and have only negative effects on your health.

It is very easy to chain-smoke in your early 20s when drinking and barely feel it the next day. In a few years, this will not be the case. So don't get addicted now! It will do awful things to your outside as well as your inside. 



The Stages of Partying, By Age


This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor changes have been implemented by Cosmo.ph editors.

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