Reminder: There's So Much More To Your Queerness Than The People You Date

The grand achievement of finally getting a boyfriend has always been put on a pedestal. Ever since we were kids, most romantic representations we've seen have been mostly heteronormative—from the rom-coms we watched, the celebrity couples we saw in magazines, and the love songs we heard on the radio. Many of these stories also lean toward a Western lens, with little to no consideration for what it's actually like to date in a country like the Philippines.

Grand romantic gestures, proud proclamations of love, and ligaw rituals were rarely portrayed—or entirely welcomed—in the queer space. Because of this, a lot of young queer women end up developing a skewed, idealistic perspective of love.

A lot of queer women go out of their way to live up to the idea of the relationship they've yearned for since they were kids, even if it means not acting like who they truly are. You find yourself putting on your best performance just to find someone. You may even fall into the wrong places in your pursuit of love.

And then it happens—you finally get a partner, yay! But of course, it's nothing like you expected.

Did you really think things would go smoothly after settling for the first person who gave you attention, completely ignoring an abundance of red flags? Suddenly, you're excusing mistreatment after mistreatment just to hold onto the fantasy.

But the world doesn't end after your first teenage heartbreak, even if it feels like it does. As you leave your teenage years and enter your 20s, you begin to realize that there's so much more to your queerness than just the people you date.

Being queer is a beautiful experience, one that shouldn't be limited by the constraints of romance. You can explore the dating scene, but don't limit your sight. See what life has to offer you beyond romantic love. Building meaningful relationships—with yourself and with others—is just as important, if not even more, than finding the "perfect" partner.

Romantic love doesn't have to be at the forefront of your life. Love exists in many forms. And yes, so does queer love.

Love can look like finding the right group of friends or an environment that makes you feel comfortable with your queerness. Your support system matters, especially when you're young.

When you're a freshman in college, you may not know anyone else who's queer. It can get lonely, especially if you haven't found the kind of friend group that allows you to be open and comfortable with your sexuality. Once you do find them—and you will!—you'll realize that these platonic relationships are just as important as the romantic ones you'll encounter.

It's important to prioritize them, too. Having a strong support system while you're discovering who you are helps you build a better relationship with yourself. That sense of belonging can boost your confidence, especially as you navigate heteronormative spaces.

It's time to retire the idea of putting the over-romanticized, hypothetical idea of love on a pedestal. Love should feel natural. The love you're so desperate to receive already exists within you, if only you allow yourself to see it. Love isn't something to take—it's something to share. And you can only truly give love to others once you've experienced it within yourself.

College isn't just the time to find someone to love. It's also the time to discover and learn how to love yourself for who you truly are. Put yourself out there. Get to know yourself. And once you do, never let anyone diminish that sense of clarity.

A lot of young queer women forget this:

Finding yourself while navigating romance is undeniably a challenge, especially as a young queer woman entering the dating scene. But don't lose sight of yourself in your pursuit of love. Individuality matters, and no relationship is worth losing yourself—or your friends—for. It's not worth giving up the beauty and love that already exist in your life for someone new. If anything, find someone who helps you find, create, and experience more, not less.