1. You grew up thinking that your mom doesn’t appreciate or even see your efforts.
Nothing is ever good enough for your tiger mom. Not even your best if your best didn’t get you the top spot, the highest prize, or the A+. And if your tiger mom hasn’t calmed down over the years, to this day she’s still breathing down your neck and making you feel like you’re not doing excellently enough. And no, it has never helped you to tell her that you did far better than your peers. For her, you have to exceed your own limits.
2. You grew up feeling that you had a cutthroat coach, not a loving mom.
Which is to say you went through many days in your childhood feeling unloved and not good enough. That may or may not have given you some mother issues, but it has affected you in ways that are good and bad.
3. You wish you had a sweet, affectionate, and supportive mom like your other friends do. But you see value in your tiger mom so you don’t really know what you want to wish for.
As a daughter, you can’t help longing for a mom’s sweet and gentle words, a mom’s positive encouragement when you didn’t do very well in school or had a bad day at work. To you, daughters with kinder moms seem happier with themselves. So of course you can’t help wishing your mom were gentle and fair. But a part of you feels that you have your tiger mom to thank for the woman you’ve become: industrious, no-BS, reliable, has admirable work ethic.
4. You’re used to competing with other people, even when you’re already so sick of competing.
It’s toxic to always be so competitive, especially when there is no actual competition and it’s all in your head. You stress yourself out more than what’s necessary. You fill yourself with ill thoughts and negative emotions like envy as you strive to win over someone else—sometimes ruining relationships in the process. And yet competing feels ingrained in you somehow because you feel that you have to be the best.
5. You beat yourself up when you don’t meet your very high standards.
You don’t know if your mom is your worst critic or yourself. Srsly.
6. You have a rollercoaster relationship with your mom.
She’s made you feel like crap, like you’re not good enough—or never will be. But you know that tough love exists and that could be it. That she loves you and wants to be very sure that you’ll be absolutely fine on your own. When work/career isn’t involved, things are not so bad with her too.
7. You often think you’re not good enough.
This extends to your personal life and relationships: You think that you always have to prove yourself worthy of someone’s attention or affections. That your worth is something you earn, not something you already have. While this mentality has helped you in your work life, it keeps you from believing that someone loves you, flaws and all.
8. Sometimes you feel more like a machine programmed for perfection than a human being with strengths and weaknesses.
“BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO MAKE MISTAKES, DAMN IT. You’re supposed to be flawless. What’s the point of doing something if you can’t execute it perfectly?! You’re supposed to be the best!” –your mind
9. You don’t know what it means to rest or take a break.
You take being a workaholic to another level. When you’re sick or tired, you can’t just lie down in bed and wait to get better. You’re itching to be productive. You need to get things done in advance!
10. Sometimes you feel like you’re not living your life to the fullest, because you’re not out there having some fun.
You usually think you could be having a bit more fun because you’ve spent nearly all your time working. Your free time is even spent planning what you can work on! But when you’re out with your friends or on a date, you sometimes feel like you should be studying or working hard. Clearly you’re not always content with where you are. But when you’re reaping the benefits of your hard work—the A+, the promotion, the salary raise, the award? GIRL, YOU FEEL FLY.
11. You worry you’ll end up like her—harsh and unappreciative.
You know a thing or two about positive reinforcement and being patient with yourself and other people. You think it’s a good idea. You’d like to believe you can do it when you’re a mom, so you can nurture a more positive environment for your child. Still, you don’t know if you’ll be that kind of mom and raise independent, hard working, intelligent kids. Especially since you’ve become very tough like her. So you consider not having kids—also to avoid your future daughter writing something like this. LOL.