1. It's not a big deal. I can do this.
I’ve had my eye on this guy for a while, but my current strategy of smiling prettily in a corner and hoping he’ll ask me out hasn’t done shit. I know we’ve got chemistry; I can feel the electricity whenever our eyes so much as meet. So it’s either he’s already coupled up (*cringe*) or he’s just shy, and I’m 99% positive it’s not the former; I’ve done a deep enough background check on his social media accounts to know for sure. (I’m thorough like that.) It’s time to push this friendship to the next level.
2. Of course I can do it; it's the 21st century and girls do it all the time now!
My spirit animal Beyoncé would be so proud of me. Hooray for gender equality! For female empowerment! For girls who run the world!
3. Will he think I'm too aggressive, or think I’m less of a catch because I reached out first?
Well, if he does, he’s a backward-thinking bigot and not worthy of my fine feminist ass.
4. It’s on. Time to get my flirt on.
He’s online on Messenger now! Okay, so I’m just going to start chatting casually, sneak in my opening—that upcoming gig by that band we both like—then spring the invite on him in a cool, subtle way, so I can always brush it off as a friendly invite in case he says no. Smoothy McSmootherson—that’s me.
5. Wait… Has he figured out that I just asked him out?
I just messaged him, “Let's catch the gig together! *smiley face*” Should I have been clearer and more direct? Should I have pulled a Tom Hanks in You’ve Got Mail and said, “How about some coffee or drinks or dinner or a movie...for as long as we both shall live?” (Because TBH, that’s really what I want to happen.)
6. Why is it taking him so long to reply?!
This is unbearable, being seen-zoned, and then seeing those taunting little dots bounce in turn while he types out his reply, and then seeing those dots continue to bounce for what seems like forever until—nothing. No reply. For the next ten minutes.
7. Whatever. I have better things to do than wait for him to make up his mind.
Besides, he's bound to reply within this century, right? Maybe he had a sudden work emergency, or the food he was cooking was starting to burn, or his roommate suddenly had a heart attack and he had to rush him to the hospital, the poor, unfortunate soul. And if it’s not any of these, he’s not that cute to be rejecting me like this; who does he think he is, Zac Efron?!
8. “Game!” He said “Game!” And with a smiley emoji! *fist pump*
YAAAAAS! BITCH, I KNEW HE’D SAY YES. *cue “Bitch I’m Madonna”*
9. That wasn't so hard.
I feel like I can do ANYTHING men do now. Hooray for gender equality! For female empowerment! For girls who run the world!
10. Okay, time to cut the conversation short and leave him guessing a little.
I need to give off an ~air of mystery~. I wouldn't want him to think I’m THAT interested.
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