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4 Truths About Faking Orgasms No One Told You About

Your sex life isn't immediately doomed when you fake it.

1. We all fake orgasms. We might not do it often, but we’ve done it at least once. Sixty percent of sexually active women were found to have faked an orgasm during penetrative or oral sex, and 25 percent of men have done it too. According to E. Jean Carroll, the advice columnist for Elle, “Faking makes life bearable. We fake being happy when we're sad, being smart when we're stupid, being innocent when we're guilty. We fake liking stuff on Facebook all day long. Don’t beat yourself up. Faking an orgasm is not the end of the world.”

2. Faking orgasms isn’t always about making one’s partner feel good about his skills. Some women do it to keep a guy at a distance—to not be vulnerable and very emotional with him. Some people do it because sex is taking too long and they’re tired and want to stop. While others do it to make themselves more aroused in hopes of finally climaxing for real, or to make the guy more aroused so he’ll shift to a higher gear for a great finish for them both.

3. Faking an orgasm doesn’t always encourage bad, pain-inducing moves. Female orgasm is elusive, and it’s only made less so when women already know what makes them come. And when all that has been done but they didn’t climax—which happens a lot, unfortunately—faking it is pretty harmless so they fake it. In a way it just makes the whole thing bearable; think of it as a way of dealing with one’s own disappointment, then moving on right after.

4. It doesn’t mean you’re doomed to experiencing the same kind of sex for the rest of your relationship. Yes, convincingly faking an orgasm makes the guy think that you’re enjoying what he’s doing so he has to keep at it—so yes, you lose if you lie about what feels good to you when it really doesn’t. But orgasms aren’t the only basis for the sex positions you and your guy should be doing more frequently. There’s also literally talking about your favorite positions and why they’re your favorite, so you guys are on the same page. That’s a more accurate way of knowing what to do during sex, right? And if you lie during that talk, that’s where you’re doing something wrong for sure.