The clit is a wonderful thing: More of an iceberg than a button, it’s only partially visible, and it packs the same number of sensory nerve endings as the penis into an organ just one-tenth the size. You are probably aware that the nipple is also an erogenous zone for both men and women—cool, awesome, wow. But now let’s talk about those less obvious spots your partner (or you) should be touching but may be neglecting, with insight from sex therapist Vanessa Marin, who teaches the online orgasm course Finishing School. Here are the areas she thinks you should lavish a little extra attention on tonight.
1. The underside of your butt.
The place where your thigh turns into your butt is for more than showing off under the hem of those denim booty shorts you thought were so hot circa 2007: Marin says it’s a nerve-rich area, too, and stimulating it can make for sexy foreplay. Instead of having your partner dive straight for your clit and give you oral, for example, you can have them "trace one finger along it, or [try] light kisses or licks" and then work their way to vulva territory, Marin suggests.
4. The inner elbows.
Marin recommends "light kisses and strokes" on the thin skin here. This might feel divine to some, so-so to others, and ticklish to a few, but it’s worth finding out which camp you’re in.
5. The labia.
Yes, your labia are hard to miss, but they’re still often ignored: "You wouldn’t think of labia as being overlooked," Marin says, "but so many people tend to go straight for the clitoris." Before you do that, though, try teasing the labia to increase excitement. Tell your partner to "slowly slide their finger from top to bottom, without parting the lips," Marin suggests, then "keep going up and down, gradually increasing your pressure until they start to feel their finger slip inside."
6. The anus.
"More and more people are opening up to the joys of anal play," Marin says, "but I’d say it’s still a pretty overlooked spot." The key with anal play is to start slow: There are so many ways to enjoy this area other than penetrative sex. Check out the magical world of butt plugs (there’s a size and style for every body), experiment with fingers and mouths, and don’t forget the lube. "A great way to start is to have your partner apply a tiny bit of pressure to the outside of your anus with one lubed-up finger, as they’re going down on you or fingering you," Marin says.
7. The back of your neck.
This is an especially sexy spot, and you don’t have to be undressed for your partner to access it. "People pay a good amount of attention to the front and sides of the neck, but tend to forget about the back," Marin says. "Flip over onto your belly, pull your hair up, and ask your partner to kiss along your hairline." Then, they can work their way down to the underside of your butt and the backs of your knees—you’re making up for all the time you forgot how good those spots could feel.
Follow Hayley on Twitter.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.