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A Girl's Guide To Gift Giving For Guys

Shoes over shirts.

1. Instead of getting him self-help books
Get him: Comic books

Why: Because there’s more wisdom to absorb from the fictional existential trials of Batman and Superman, rather than having to listen to some self-righteous author capitalizing on the insecurities of mankind. Your boyfriend never liked The Secret, anyway, or any of that Malcolm Gladwell BS people are always trying to shove down his throat.

What you stand to gain: Your man channeling the courageous efforts of today’s most popular superheroes. Turn up the kink and add a costume for yourself to the gift, use it in closed quarters, and watch him melt as you become his personal kryptonite.  

2. Instead of getting him socks, ties, or a new shirt
Get him: New shoes

Why: Because bros love their kicks! Sneaker fanaticism doesn’t seem to be going anywhere anytime soon, so recalibrate his shoe-game by furnishing his arsenal with fly footwear he can proudly walk in. A tie, socks, or any article of clothing that he already has tons of will just clutter his closet space and fall into the abyss of his sad collection of outdated statement tees.

What you stand to gain: Hopefully, him leaving his crocs at home (or in the trash), where they belong!

3. Instead of getting him a grooming kit
Get him: A fancy bottle of perfume

Why: Although his face really does need a twice over with a sharp-ass, technologically savvy razor, there are dirt-cheap alternatives at your friendly neighborhood grocery. Besides, his monthly barber’s appointment easily takes care of his lumbering lumberjack look anyway.

What you stand to gain: A classy bottle of any fresh-noted (smell: not too fruity, soapy, or musky as hell) pour homme fragrance is an instant swagger upgrade that will provoke you into ripping his shirt off for a better whiff of his non-invasive manliness.

4. Instead of getting him cookies and sweets
Get him: A sizeable bottle of fine liquor

Why: Because there’s no reason to get drunk on desserts when you can get intoxicated with a robust scotch or whiskey. Trust, those cookies and chocolates are either going to be eaten by PG coworkers or recycled as another gift.

What you stand to gain: Hey, you two can call it a drinking date and down that rich bottle for a scintillating night of loose inhibitions.

5. Instead of getting him a wallet
Get him: A killer timepiece

Why: Although a snazzy wallet for him to store his dough is handy, wallets tend to deteriorate over time, and eventually he’ll have to ditch that money-keeping baby. A, ehem, timeless watch that he can use for both casual and a formal occasion is luxury with a sentimental touch.

What you stand to gain: A better sense of punctuality on his end.

6. Instead of getting him a tablet
Get him: A PS4

Why: Frankly, tablets are for titas. And buying him the latest kick-ass console will not only make him feel like the most loved boyfriend in the planet, but will make you the best girlfriend in the universe. Well, they say to dream is free.

What you stand to gain: Him never leaving the house for late night gimiks with the boys. What do you stand to lose? Him never leaving the house for dates.

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