At any given time, they’re probably stuck to the side of his leg.It gets pretty balmy down there in the trenches. It’s like when your skin sticks to the plastic furniture cover your grandma has on her couch. If you ever see a guy walking or standing bow legged or doing a crazy leg shake, he’s adjusting his balls.
Yes, he’s sat on them before.It’s too easy for balls to slip underneath him, and when he goes to sit, he obviously brings his full weight down on them. Yes, it is as awful as it sounds.
At least once, his balls have touched toilet water.There are horrible demon-people that will situate the water level of public toilets way too high. Inevitably, his balls with touch the water. It’s like when you get a sudden chill for no reason, except a thousand times worse because you touched the water filling a bowl that strangers shit in.
They can yo-yo.Not at actual yo-yo speeds, mind you, but his scrotum can actually contract to bring his balls closer to his body when its cold and also lower his balls away from his body when its warm. This shouldn't be a shock, but it's still fun to watch.
They’re not exactly symmetrical.With most pairs of testicles, one is usually slightly bigger than the other. He might be self-conscious or he might never have noticed. Either way he's not about to bring that to your attention just to chat.
Airlines would make a killing off a large-balled ticket option.I know manspreading is awful, but that doesn't change the fact that it's very uncomfortable for me to sit with my legs completely closed together.
They get all kinds of sweaty.That whole area is just a recipe for disaster. Lots of skin and hair tucked away means his balls are like a wet, old dish rag after the gym.
And they can get stuck to his penis, too.Even tangled up in his boxers. It’s like gum, it just sticks to everything.
They are very, very delicate.Sure, you might be aware that it’s just bad form to kick a dude in the balls, but you might not understand just how painful it can be. It’s like someone managed to kick you through your soft parts and up inside your actual stomach. Plus, they can get twisted and even rupture. It’s all the fun of an internal organ but for some reason they’re outside his body.
He shaves them.Odds are good he has some hair on his balls, and if he’s the kind of guy that manscapes with any kind of regularity, it means he has to navigate that twisted, fleshy mass with a razor blade. And considering just how much it hurts to nick his balls with a razor, it feels like something out of saw, every time. It’s one of those things that, no matter how many times he’s done it, it never gets easier.
Follow Frank on Twitter.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.