Masturbation might have been a word banned from the schoolroom, but grown-up women need to know: it is completely natural and normal. In fact, it’s encouraged; solo sex offers women more than pleasure. It allows you to get to know your body and your sexual likes and dislikes better and is also a great way to help yourself relax and release stress you might be holding in. Masturbation also helps you build confidence and get more comfortable with your body, and it even helps relieve menstrual cramps and muscle tension!
If you’re new to solo sex, however, you might be a little apprehensive about how to go about it. Or maybe you’ve been self-pleasuring a while and want to pick up new tricks to try. Keep reading for a few things to keep in mind.
Be aware of the different types of masturbation you can try.There’s more than one way to masturbate, and it’s a good idea to try them out to identify what you like best. Here’s some basic information, plus instructions, you’ll want to know:
Erogenous Zones: You don’t have to get “down to business” right away, or so to speak. Other areas of your body are also sensitive in a sexual context.
How to pleasure yourself via erogenous zones: Tracing, rubbing, squeezing, and otherwise stimulating erogenous zones such as the nipples, breasts, mouth, neck, and more can also help heighten pleasure, especially if you prefer a slow build of sexual tension.
Clitoral: This is perhaps the most common type of masturbation for women; it involves stimulating your clitoris until you achieve orgasm (your vaginal walls will contract). A clitoral orgasm is often associated with tingly sensations along the skin, at the extremities, and in your brain. Although most will simply use their fingers, you may also want to try out sex toys such as vibrators to ramp up the pleasure.
How to masturbate clitorally: Many women find going straight for the clitoris can be too intense, too soon; you can start by stimulating the area around it, massaging the area above your pubic bone and the outer and inner lips of your vulva. Apply pressure (you may want to start with light pressure then increase it as you get more excited) by rubbing in small circles or back and forth, increasing speed as your pleasure grows. You may also want to use your index and middle fingers to form a V on either side of your clitoris and stimulate yourself this way. If needed, apply lubrication to your fingers.
Vaginal: This involves penetrating your vagina with your fingers or a sex toy. The orgasm that results is often felt deeper within the body and associated with a throbbing sensation in the vaginal walls. It is sometimes considered more “explosive” than clitoral orgasms, but note that not everyone can orgasm from vaginal penetration alone.
How to masturbate vaginally: You may want to stimulate your clitoris or other erogenous zones to build excitement and natural lubrication or apply lube before penetrating your vagina. Massage the area around your vaginal opening, then slowly insert your fingers or sex toy. Try out a range of different types of motions; thrusting in-and-out or moving your fingers or toy in a circular motion are popular choices. Apart from moving your fingers or sex toy, use your body, especially your hips, to add to the pleasure. To stimulate your G-spot, curl your fingers as you would if beckoning to someone.
Anal: This involves penetrating your anus with your fingers or a sex toy. The orgasm that results involves contractions around the anal sphincter.
How to masturbate anally: Although a few people do enjoy the sensation of dry penetration, it is not recommended, especially for beginners, as the anus has no natural lubrication. Lube up your fingers or sex toy, then massage the area around and just inside your anal opening before trying actual penetration. Keep things slow and gentle, especially when you’re starting out. When using sex toys, you may want to start with something about the width of your finger before moving on to bigger items; it may also be necessary to work yourself open before inserting a larger sex toy. Note that you may not achieve deep penetration using just your fingers when engaging in solo anal play.
Although you will most likely find you have favorite types of masturbation, you can and should experiment with combinations of the above to match your mood and identify your preferences when self-pleasuring.
Proper hygiene is a must!
If you are using your fingers to masturbate, make sure you wash your hands thoroughly. It’s also a good idea to keep your nails short to avoid accidentally harming yourself. If you are using sex toys, absolutely follow the directions provided with the toy for cleaning, and clean after every use, whether it was for solo play or sex with a partner or partners. Also wash your sex toys between using them with different parts of the body (e.g., don’t use a sex toy for vaginal penetration then switch to anal without washing); if you are prone to switching things up, you may want to buy a few extra toys to have so you can pleasure yourself uninterrupted.
You absolutely do not want to risk infection. Some sex toys recommend using condoms for easier cleanup; however, even if you do use a condom, this doesn’t mean you can skip cleaning the toy itself. After all, it’s better safe than sorry!
When buying sex toys, choose safety over convenience or affordability.
Speaking of sex toy safety, another thing you absolutely must do is research—when it comes to buying and using your toys, that is. This is really a buyer-beware sort of product because the regulations for the manufacturing of sex toy are not very stringent. For example, there are some concerns about the use of certain chemicals called phthalates, which make plastic toys softer and more flexible. Another thing to consider is
Get in the right head space—and take your time.
You may feel it is necessary to set the mood for masturbation. If this is the case, go ahead and do so. You may want to try aromatherapy, put on some music, or do other things to get yourself in the right headspace for a self-pleasuring session. Also, don’t think you need to be watching porn to make yourself orgasm. Although Filipinos may be some of the leading viewers of internet pornography worldwide, it isn’t for everyone. Some prefer using just their imaginations, while others enjoy reading erotica. Finally, take as much or as little time as you need to get comfortable and achieve orgasm (or multiple orgasms, if you like!). Self-pleasure is about exactly that—pleasure—and shouldn’t be rushed.
Experiment, assess, and experiment some more.
This isn’t just limited to experimenting with different types of masturbation or different sex toys. Also experiment with different positions—for example, while clitoral masturbation is frequently done on your back, squatting is said to be excellent for vaginal stimulation, while going face-down in a doggy-style position will get you better angles for anal play.
You may also find it easier to achieve orgasm if you have something to hump, usually a pillow. Grabbing and squeezing sensitive areas of your body such as the inner thighs or breasts while you orgasm may also intensify the sensation and enhance or prolong your climax. Edging is another thing you may want to try to intensify your pleasure. Bring yourself to the brink of orgasm before winding down or pausing, only to build yourself up again. What’s important is trying new things to find what works for you.
Don’t just stick to the bed or the bedroom.
While many prefer to self-pleasure in bed, it isn’t the only place to do it. Another way to experiment with your solo sex sessions is to try different locations. The shower or a bathtub are also popular choices, especially if you share a room with someone. But you can try masturbating on the couch in your living room, standing up in your kitchen, with your legs on either side of your laptop as you sit at your desk—the options are quite numerous if you let your imagination run away with you. In fact, the risk of getting caught while masturbating in a more public location than your bedroom or bathroom may actually spice up your solo play.
Remember that masturbation is normal, healthy and self-affirming. One of the biggest issues many women encounter is the stigma against masturbation, which causes them to feel shame or guilt while self-pleasuring. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking it is wrong to explore your body, to learn more about yourself and your fantasies, to try new sexual things to see if they excite you. Solo sex sessions should be judgment-free time—especially self-judgment! So try to accept that what turns you on is what turns you on, and learn to love yourself more (literally).