Does He Actually Like You Or Is He Just Love Bombing You? Here's The Diff, According To An Expert

We love a grand romantic gesture as much as the next girl. "Just because" flowers, good morning texts sitting in your inbox before you wake up, someone who's not afraid to say how much they like you—even if it's only been a few weeks.

But according to Dr. Carmina Charmaine G. Bernardo of Makati Medical Center, that kind of fast-forwarded intimacy isn't always a good thing. In some cases, it's actually a red flag disguised as romance—a.k.a. love bombing, a pattern of overwhelming affection used to gain control in a relationship.

Love bombing is when someone comes on very strongly right from the start. "Love bombing involves showering a potential love interest with presents, romantic gestures, flattering words, and undivided attention—acts guaranteed to sweep you off your feet in the heady days of courtship," says Dr. Bernardo. It can look like constant messages, surprise gifts, or big declarations before you've even fully gotten to know each other.

Another way to look at it: It's not just about being extra—it's about being intense, fast. Psychologist Jessica January Behr describes it as idealizing someone and flooding them with "all good" love and attention, often to get that same validation in return.

And while it might feel nice (because who doesn't want to feel wanted?), there's usually something else going on. "The goal of the love bomber isn't love per se, but to have control over you so that you develop an emotional attachment towards them," Dr. Bernardo explains.

As narcissism expert Ramani Durvasula puts it, what feels like a dream at first can actually be meant to "confuse and blind you"—so you're easier to pull in and keep.

The tricky part is that love bombing doesn't feel bad at first—it actually feels really good. It looks like a genuine effort and certainty. In a dating culture where people can be inconsistent, the kind of attention that a love bomber showers you with can feel rare.

But it can also feel like you're somehow speed-running a relationship without even realizing it. You're going from "just met" to something that feels intense and serious in a matter of days or weeks, skipping the slower, more natural parts of getting to know each other. And because everything feels so good, you don't always stop to question the pace.

But Dr. Bernardo points out that it's often rooted in insecurity. "As arrogant or entitled as they appear, love bombers are very insecure. They have a fear of being undesired." Instead of letting a connection build over time, they try to lock it in quickly.

If the beginning felt like a rush, this is where things suddenly start to feel… off. The person who used to be all-in—texting nonstop, making plans, saying all the right things—suddenly isn't as consistent as they used to be.

And somehow, you end up turning it on yourself and end up overthinking: Did I do something wrong? Did I say too much?

According to Dr. Bernardo, this shift is part of the pattern. After pulling you in with constant attention, a love bomber may start to withdraw, which leaves you trying to get things "back" to how they were.

It's confusing on purpose. Because once you've seen how good it can be, it's easy to hold on and even harder to let go—even when the initial energy is no longer there.

It's easy to write off intense behavior as someone just being expressive, especially if you've been dealing with bare minimum energy before this. Like, finally—someone who actually(!!) likes you. But there's a difference between someone being intentional and someone overwhelming you.

"Everybody goes all out at the 'getting to know you' stage of dating," says Dr. Bernardo. "But I'd like to believe that you'll eventually figure out the frogs from the princes. Listen to your gut."

A good way to check in with yourself: Do you feel calm in the relationship, or are you constantly trying to keep up with it? Genuine affection might be exciting, but it still gives you space. You don't feel rushed, and you don't feel like you have to match someone's intensity just to keep the relationship good.

Whether you're dealing with a love bomber or just navigating a new relationship, the best thing you can do is stay rooted in your own life. Here are some tips from Dr. Bernardo that you can practice:

• Stay connected to your people. It's tempting to spend all your time with someone new, but don't disappear from your friends and family. "As in love as you are, remember: You had a life before this relationship," says Dr. Bernardo.

• Keep your own interests. Trying your partner's hobbies is great—but don't lose sight of what you enjoy. Maintaining your own passions helps you stay grounded and independent.

• Speak up about what you need. If things are moving too fast, or you need space, say it. A healthy partner will respect your boundaries. "Your thoughts and feelings are valid too, and if your partner values you, they'll listen and hopefully yield," Dr. Bernardo notes.

• Build a full life on your own. "People like to credit their significant other for completing them, when in truth, it’s you who completes you," Dr. Bernardo stresses. "When you accept and are at peace with yourself… a loving partner is icing on the cake."