Why Everyone Needs To Experience Tough Love Sometimes

Friendship should be a no BS zone.
PHOTO: istockphoto

Let's face it: Tough love or real talk is hard to swallow. In case you don't know what we're talking about, it's when a friend or loved one decides to tell you things that need to be said out loud—and most of the time, these are things that you probably already know but refuse to talk about. And why is that? Because you'll be forced to open yourself up to the truth, which is never easy. While these talks might sting a little, those who choose to be real with you are doing so because they care. Below are reasons why tough love and real talk are sometimes necessary. 

It's about trust.

You've most likely heard this line before: "Kung hindi kami naniniwala na kaya mo 'yan, we won't even bother." Believe it or not, it's true. The friends who choose to voice their opinions trust you with their thoughts, and they have no doubt that you can make better decisions for yourself. Real talk requires opening your mind to someone else's perspective and believing that your bond is strong enough to help you get through the good and the bad.

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This is a judgment-free zone.

Some have said, “Ang dali kasi ninyo mag-judge pero hindi ninyo naman ako naiintindihan.” When it comes to giving someone a real talk, the intention is never to judge their decisions. And telling someone the truth is just as hard as hearing it. After all, no one wants to hurt a friend.

One thing that everybody should remember is that a real talk is a two-way street. Both parties should have enough freedom to talk and enough awareness to listen. If you feel like you're both misunderstanding the situation, then don't let it get away from you. Take a break, walk away for a while, and come back when you're ready to continue.

Everybody needs help sometimes. 

There are plenty of people out there who see their friends struggling and choose to silently take pity on them instead of saying anything. How does that help, though? Genuine relationships aren't like that. Real friendships and relationships involve struggle and conversations—understanding the situation, talking through the layers of what's going on, and letting a friend know they are supported. 

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It's a language of love.

Remember that every person who chooses to be real with you isn't always a master of his or her words. Some may sugar coat what they're trying to say, while others may just choose to use the clearest words. The truth is, tough love is its own language. When you trust your friendship or relationship enough, it'll be easier to see through the stinging words and possibly raised voices. When someone you love is hurting, in many ways, it's harder because your brain tries to scramble for ways to make it better right away. And sometimes, that urgency gets lost in translation. But it always comes from a good place. 

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