The not-so-mild numbing gel
"I bought some condoms that were advertised to help guys last longer—basically they have a mild numbing gel in them and I just couldn't keep it up. Then she went down on me to try and re-enter Boner City and lost feeling in her mouth/tongue. It was more funny than anything but still, no orgasms were had that day as we both decided that it wasn't gonna happen." [via]
Sex in front of a clown collection...
"My friend's grandfather had passed away and my friend's parents asked him to move in for a while so the house wouldn't go empty as they figured out what to do with it. He asked me if I wanted to move in and because there was no rent, I said yes. A week or so before we moved in, I was in town and met a girl at the bar. I didn't want to drive her the 20 miles back to where I had been living so we went to grandpa's house and picked a random room. Didn't really look around because we were busy until she was on top of me and we both came to realise that this is where Grandpa kept his clown collection. Like, the whole room had clowns. Clown dolls, clown paintings... She was like, 'Did you take me here on purpose?' It took me a while to convince her that this was my first time in this horrifying room." [via]
Yeah, so, he was married.
"We met at a bar and didn't talk much before he suggested we go back to my place. We did the deed, and afterwards while we were cleaning up and getting dressed, I said to him, 'That was amazing, we should do this again.' To which he replied, 'Absolutely, let me give you my email address. I don't text because my wife checks my phone.'" [via]
Her six-year-old son came in.
"Drunken night, went home with a girl from a party. Anyway, do the deed and pass out. Next morning, I wake up, breakfast in bed. Ok, this is a nice start. Five minutes later, her six-year-old son comes in the room and says, 'Are you going to be my daddy?' and before I can even think of a response, the girl, with a very weird look on her face says, 'Let's hope so.'" [via]
"My car was towed."
"Waking up and being asked to leave, and then going outside to find my car was towed. Then having to go back inside and wait..." [via]
Vomit was involved.
"Came home with a girl from the bar. We were both trashed, had sex, her dog watched. She vomitted on me while performing oral sex. Cleaned up as best as I could before passing out. Woke up in the morning to her mom attempting to come in, asking who was in her room. She said, 'No one, go away' before telling me that I couldn't leave until her parents left for work. No way in hell I was staying for two hours with puke dick. I climbed out her window on the second floor and jumped off of the roof. Stuck the landing and jogged away down the street. Turned around to get out and her mom is on the front lawn in a bath robe staring me down holding her morning coffee. Oh, and I got chlamydia." [via]
"He left me money..."
"A guy I took home from a bar, whom I had previously met before multiples times, left money on the bed side table. I found it when I woke up. Attached was a note that just said 'Thanks.'" [via]
Most awkward taxi ride ever!
"I woke up and went outside to call an Uber home after hooking up with this girl and going back to her house one night. Turns out her dad is an Uber driver, and guess who was his first customer of the day? Hands down the most awkward car ride I have ever experienced." [via]
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com/uk. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.