“Girls just wanna have fun,” sang Cyndi Lauper all those years ago. And some chicks have taken the declaration to heart, shedding inhibitions and getting intimate with men they’ve just met without feeling a shred of guilt. From random sex buddies to “best friends with benefits,” we’re in the times of multiple choices and partners.
So, while casual sex may not initally be a big deal, are you sure you can handle the emotions you may feel after the deed has been done?
MYTH # 1: "If he can do it, so can I!"
Honey, men and women’s emotions are wired differently. US-based psychologist and author of Getting To “I Do,” Patricia Allen, PhD, strongly believes that few women—far fewer than men—can actually have sex with no emotional commitment and saunter away feeling complete. According to her, for those of us who can’t, there’s always the danger of getting emotionally scalded.
Does this mean you’ll never be able to walk away from a bedroom without wishing for his heart, too? Not quite. But what starts out as a statement about the equality of sexes can turn out very differently, thanks simply to biology. Before you put yourself in the situation, think it through and recognize that your ability to keep it casual may be way lower than his.
Myth # 2: "I can bed-hop since I’m free."
According to US-based clinical psychologist Bronwen Millet, frequent casual sex usually reflects on past hurts, and the fact that you don’t want to be vulnerable in a long-term relationship. Essentially, you’re likely to be hanging on to a past partner and are trying to work out those feelings by currently having multiple partners.
Recognize if and when you’re using your one-night stands to fill a void. Also, know that you may be running scared of getting hurt. It may be a sensible idea to first deal with the grief you feel for your past relationship (with your girl pals!) before scouring the neighborhood for some fun.
Myth # 3: "Men can handle this."
Brittain Wilder, author of Is It Love Or A Big Misunderstanding, points out: “If a man is attracted to you and you have great conversation, then he may just try to see how far he can go. And then, if it happens too soon, the first thing he’s going to wonder about is whether you find it as easy to get it on with all men.”
Unfortunately, most men seem to set some kind of a test—how soon does she succumb? The earlier you “give in,” the less of a future guys may be willing to plan with you.