People who are narcissistic or self-obsessed have very similar traits, attitudes, and behaviors, as found by psychologists over the years. Generally, being narcissistic has to do with believing that you are better than everyone else and wanting to be admired by the people around you. Technically, there's a narcissist in all of us. We all want to be praised and liked by our peers, and social media has made many of us more conscious of how we present ourselves to others. But the true narcissists have very bloated egos and the desire to be praised all the time. So here are the some of the characteristics of narcissists followed by their corresponding behaviors, for you to know if you need to refresh yourself and your life. Face it, being narcissistic has dire consequences.
YOU COMPROMISE YOUR SELF-RESPECT.
When you lie to show other people how great you are, you ultimately lie to yourself. And when you lie to yourself, you disrespect yourself and show yourself that you have no integrity.
1. You go out of your way to do things just for your Facebook or Instagram grid for the likes.
Spent all your money to travel not for experience but to show off to your followers how fun your life is? Have you lied about where you've gone and what you've done, just to seem more impressive? Girl, you've got it bad.
2. You pretend to be someone else you're not to get praise.
So you're not really a very sosyal girl. But all your peers seem to admire sosyal and classy people! What do you do? Fake it! You pour cranberry juice into a glass, blush your cheeks, take a selfie and post it on IG to show your peers you're drinking tonight. And the next night, and the next. Never mind what you think is cool, right?
3. You only post edited photos of yourself on social media.
An Ohio State University study published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences found that editing photos is associated with narcissism. By showing only edited versions of your appearance, it means that 1. You're more concerned about or invested your looks than anything else; and 2. You want people's admiration or approval by pretending you have the physical attributes they find most beautiful or desirable—never mind that you're fooling or lying to them and to yourself.
4. You exaggerate certain traits that you think your followers believe is cool or admirable.
You're a fan of superheroes and Star Wars, but you're not a die-hard fan. So what? Many of your friends are geeking out, and you can too. You do your best to seem like you're passionate about how cool Deadpool is or how awesome the latest Star Wars movie is.
YOU HAVE A GRANDIOSE SENSE OF SUPERIORITY.
5. You think you're better than everyone else.
Even if they seem insecure because they need to be validated all the time, narcissists think of themselves highly too. If you're a narcissist, you inherently believe your views are superior, so you hate it when people challenge, question, or don't recognize your brilliance.
6. You can't deal with criticism, so you avoid it.
Narcissists become aggressive, violent, or defensive when they get negative feedback. That's because they think that other people don't understand them or are jealous of them and don't want them to succeed. They think that other people are out to bring them down. They believe that they're better than everyone else, so they can't stand being told they're wrong or lacking. In other words, narcissists take things very personally that even the most constructive of criticisms humiliate them.
7. You love taking responsibility for the successful things you've done but you deny having a hand at the failures.
You, make mistakes? Not possible. Actually, you just don't want people to find out where you made a mistake, so you just deny it in hopes that they'll forget all about it. As for the great things you've done? You want those associated with you, and you want people to keep admiring you for your actions.
8. You're a sore loser and a sore winner.
Your ego is hurt when you lose, but when you win, you always rub it in the loser's face by gushing about how awesome you are. Not cool.
9. You always have to be in control.
You tell people what to do from the way they talk, sit, and stand, to the way they dress and behave. To you, other people don't know anything and can't get anything right; of course they need you to tell them what to do!
10. You hate people who have what you don't.
Because they don't deserve it; you do! And what's your basis for that, exactly? Many of us get what we deserve and don't deserve; it's always a mix. Narcissists don't get that. They think that because they're the best, only they deserve the best.
11. You demand special treatment.
Got into trouble with something? Or just want to feel special in general? Yeah, to demand special treatment you've actually asked "Don't you know who I am?"
12. You seek help from others but don't help them out when they need it.
In your book, you're the only one who can ask for favors because you are you.
YOU ARE EXTREMELY VAIN.
13. You post tons of selfies.
Researchers found that this has links to being narcissistic. That's because posting selfies every hour of the day shows that you think your followers are your audience—that they're on social media to get updates from you. What makes you think the hundreds or thousands of people who have their own lives GENUINELY WANT to see a photo of you every so often? (And BTW, they're not Facebook friends with you just to see your pictures. They actually might want to chat with you.)
14. You actually believe your followers are genuinely interested in your selfies and want to be updated about your life.
This excessive self-importance is a trait of the self-obsessed, according to psychologists. Narcissists don't think that there are other people or issues out there that might be more deserving of attention.
15. You rely on the likes you get on social media to feel good about yourself.
You post selfies or other pics of yourself so that people will say you're so pretty, hot, or sexy. And the thing is, you want as many likes and comments as you can get—you want them so badly they feel like a need. Narcissists require constant attention and admiration from people. They don't consider that there are other people and things around them that can make them feel good, like relationships or food or rom-coms. They also forget that feeling beautiful and being admired aren't the only ways to happiness.
16. You always make any conversation about yourself—how amazing/smart/creative/brilliant/hardworking you are.
This feels so natural to you because you're just so amazing! Sadly, every time your BFF is telling you her problem and looking for your advice, you manage to talk about your problems or successes instead of letting your BFF finish her story. Small wonder she stopped talking to you. (Narcissists were found to have troubles keeping friends, even if it seems easy for them to make new ones.)
17. You're too in love with your own Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat profile.
You focus only on the content, how your profile looks. Never mind the stories and experiences behind them all.
18. You delete a photo or post when it doesn't get the number of likes you hoped it would.
That photo or post with no reaction from people would've made you look bad. Eww. DELETE.
19. You're jealous of good-looking people.
They're your toughest competition because they get just as much likes as you do, if not more. To you that means you have to be better-looking than them in every single photo every single time!
20. You want people to acknowledge or admire you for being a certain way/believing in certain things/having certain advocacies.
Part of being narcissistic is self-promotion. If you're narcissistic, it's not enough that you're an artist, for example. You always want to be recognized and admired for your talent, and for you, that's a lot more important than actually creating an artwork.
21. You've invested all your time and effort on your image or online persona, rather than your attitude, personality, heart, or mind.
Duh. Because appearances matter. People look at that and judge you for that. And because you look so good, they all want to be like you! Or so you think. Honestly, not everyone is that shallow to want to "be" like you because you're pretty or because you look fun. Are you actually fun? Are you actually an amazing person? Social media can only reveal so much.
YOU LACK EMPATHY.
22. You're not mindful or sensitive to the needs of others.
Because you feel so superior and important, other people's concerns are not yours unless they directly involve you. So you might be behaving like a jerk and hurting or violating other people—yet you still couldn't care less because you don't know why you should. (Can you imagine a world full of people who think like that?!)
What To Do:
If you want to be less narcissistic and actually be a better person for other people, here are some things you can do, as advised by some experts:
1. Make a list of people whose opinions you will no longer try to impress, and review the list every day.
2. Tell yourself you'll stop trying to impress others.
3. Take a break from social media and start interacting more with people face to face.