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4 Of Your Biggest Bedroom Dilemmas--SOLVED!

Spanking, threesomes, and more--no sex question can ever be too taboo, here in Cosmo's carnal Q&A.

Q1: My guy often spanks me when we’re going at it. Does he want me to do it to him?

A: Find out the next time he does it to you by responding with something like “You bad boy. You need a spanking, too!” Then, give him a light slap, and see how he reacts, says Claire Cavanah, founder of Babeland, a famous sex shop. If he seems ecstatic (hint: his breathing speeds up), lightly squeeze his butt. If he digs that, slap him harder as he gets closer to climax. But, if he squirms away or seems baffled, he may be more of a giver than a receiver.

Q2: My boyfriend has joked about threesomes. Do you think he wants to try it out?

A: As much as guys love the idea of being with two chicks at once, that prospect isn’t appealing to many women. But, you don’t have to ditch his three-way fixation outright. “Plenty of couples use the fantasy of it without actually inviting someone else into their bed,” says Robin Sawyer, PhD, author of Sexpertise.

Have your man describe what he would want you and your plus-one to do to him. As he talks, alternate between the various acts he’s describing. If it’s the two-girl visual he responds to, double his viewing pleasure by propping a mirror near the bed. If he wants to see you getting aroused from the sidelines, touch yourself as he watches.
Q3: How come men always want to try anal sex?

A: The novelty of the act, which offers a different sensation from vaginal intercourse, is one draw. Its pop-culture ubiquity also piques curiosity. “They’ve seen it in porn, and it’s more commonly talked about in mainstream media,” says Fariello. Plus, since it’s been a long-held taboo, experiencing fifth base has become an ego thing. “There’s this misconception that women aren’t into anal sex, so guys think that if a woman says yes, she’s letting him do something no one else would be allowed to do,” he adds.

There are some rules for exploring this erogenous zone. Go slowly with any penetration: Start with a finger or two or have him insert just the head of his penis and pause until you’re ready for more. Use a condom, and apply a new one anytime you go from vaginal to anal sex, and vice versa. And, use lots of lube. It is crucial to your comfort and reduces health risks.

Q4: Whenever I try 69, it’s uncomfortable and awkward. What am I not getting?

A: Depending on angles and body types, 69 (where you’re giving each other oral sex simultaneously) can be a tricky but spicy skill. Try it lying on your sides to make up for height differences more easily and so no one is supporting his or her weight, suggests Cavanah. Don’t stress about   staying there until you’ve both peaked—use 69 as a way to get revved up before moving on to another erotic configuration.

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