4 Things to Do After Sex

Before he heads to the fridge for a beer and a pizza slice or rolls over and passes out, pull these moves to get what you crave post-orgasm.

The foreplay is ferocious, the sex amazing—it’s ridiculous that the afterplay should be... eh. But that’s what can happen if you wait for your man to make a move. A new study found that women  focus on après-climax activities, but it’s just not on guys’ radars.

“From an evolutionary standpoint, women see this as a bonding moment,” explains Susan Hughes, PhD, assistant professor of psychology at Albright College and co-author of the study. “Men’s instinct, though, is to skip bonding and go on to mate with others.” But now that we’re out of the cave, most dudes are psyched to stick around—you just need to show yours what you crave.

YOU WANT TO...Talk

You’re both feeling extra close thanks to the bonding hormones oxytocin and vasopressin. But because he’s exhausted, stick to topics that are interesting and relevant to him and don’t require a ton of brainpower.

Try one of these openers. Bring up his favorite topic: sex. Tell him about the moves that rocked your world, and ask him what he wants to try again. Have him talk about his body, like how he got a scar or by commenting that he looks buffer. By focusing on your guy, you’re making it impossible for him to zone out. Play a game, like inquiring if he’d rather live on a tropical island or in a crowded city. The more random the question, the better—the point is to spur an easy back-and-forth.

YOU WANT TO...Rev Him Up for Round Two

As you know, his penis is ultrasensitive after climaxing, and any direct touch feels way extreme.

Here’s how to start slowly and subtly to get him going again: Begin by having a snack to get his blood sugar back up and give him enough time to rest. Eating finger foods like grapes, olives, or chocolate in bed is easy and keeps the mood sensuous. Get his mind engaged by giving him hot visual inspiration, such as letting him watch you walk around the bedroom naked. Sexual desire begins in the brain, and seeing your bare bod on display is a primal visual cue that can lead to physical arousal. Finally, ease into touching. Sponge him off, starting with less sensitive spots, like his back and shoulders. His body temperature is up postclimax, so a warm washcloth is perfect to cool him down. Then have him turn over, and begin giving him a chest rubdown, pausing every so often to passionately kiss him. The hormones released during kissing will jack up his libido.

YOU WANT TO...Engage in Some Sexy Fondling

Postclimax, he may be temporarily out of the game, but your body’s still aroused and primed for additional orgasms. Initiate any of these hot-as-hell scenarios, and maybe even score a bonus O.

1. Put on a show. Touch yourself, deepening your breath as you do it, which stimulates your own arousal and lets him know you’re still excited. Then give him a sly smile, and invite him to take over.

2. Play with props. After sex is the ideal time to experiment with a new vibrator or lube—or even have him lick chocolate syrup off your boobs—since you’re still in a sexual groove and any technical difficulties won’t disrupt the heat of the moment. He’ll enjoy playing lab partner and watching their effects on you.

3. Take a shower. Hot water stimulates blood flow, which can keep you both feeling aroused (and awake). Ask him to scrub you down, then guide his hand between your legs.

YOU WANT TO... Fall Asleep Touching

He’s hot and exhausted after sex, so cuddling may seem claustrophobic to him.

Here’s how to handle it if you crave skin-on- skin contact: Crank up the AC and turn on music to help segue from sexy time to chill time. Hold hands. Sounds simple, but hand holding releases oxytocin and prolactin, the hormones that make him want to feel close. Instead of full-on spooning, try sleeping in the sloth position, which satisfies his need for some space. Have him lie on his stomach, and while you’re lying on your side, throw one arm over his back and intertwine your legs with one of his.

Sources: Carole Altman, PhD, author of You Can Be Your Own Sex Therapist; Trina Read, author of Till Sex Do Us Part; Natasha Valdez, EDD, author of A Little Bit Kinky.

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