These days, it seems so often that you hear about celebs (even married ones!) hooking up with a hot co-star on-set, while his or her significant other is out of sight and, obviously, out of mind. And as much as we’d like to think it’s the kind of thing that only happens in showbiz, on-the-job liaisons are just as common outside Tinseltown. But you already know that, didn't you?
In fact, statistics show that the workplace has become the number one breeding ground for cheating. According to a study done by infidelity expert Shirley Glass, PhD, 62 percent of men who admitted to having an affair had done so with someone they met at work. “You often spend more time with co-workers than with your partner, which can create intense bonding,” says Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, author of Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery? To ensure your guy is doing his job rather than his coffee-break buddy, follow these tips.
1. Know His Business
Sure, it may get boring when he goes on and on about his pain-in-the-ass boss or other people he works with, but if he can’t talk to you about the workplace highs and lows, he may open up to someone who understands all the pressure he’s under. “The more you know, the more he can share with you and the less likely he’ll be to confide in his attractive co-worker,” says Don-David Lusterman, PhD, author of Infidelity: A Survival Guide.
To come across as genuinely interested (rather than annoyingly nosy), ask specific questions that address how he handled certain tasks or dealt with a difficult higher-up. Otherwise, it’s like pulling teeth. “If you simply ask him how work is or what’s up, he’ll say ‘It’s fine’ or ‘Nothing,’” says Alon Gratch, PhD, author of If Men Could Talk. “But when you ask targeted questions, it’s easier to get him talking.”
With some insight, you’ll also be able to determine if his late nights make sense or seem suspicious. Is he working on a project that would require him to work more hours or send him out of town for a long weekend? If he knows that you know what he’s up to, it’s harder for him to pull late nights or grab drinks with a cute co-worker without any explanation.
2. Be A Presence
Another cheat-proof-him strategy: Make sure everyone at his job knows he has a woman...and a kick-ass one at that. Be enthusiastic about joining him for work gatherings, whether it’s the company party, after-work beers, or his co-worker’s birthday bash. Otherwise, a potential rival will assume she can steal your man because she doesn’t take your commitment seriously. In her mind, if the relationship is legit, you’d be there.
By making your presence known, you’re marking your turf as well. “It humanizes you and gives you a face,” says Weil. “Not only will she realize you’re a real part of his life, but it will also make her feel guilty about trying to get it on with your guy once she’s socialized with you.”
3. Identify The Biggest Threat
You may think that booby bombshell at the next cube has Man Stealer written all over her face, but the chick you least expect could be the real danger to your relationship. “She could simply have some quality that plays to your man’s weaknesses or boosts his ego,” says Susan K. Perry, PhD, author of Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Stay That Way. Translation: She may not necessarily be a gorgeous vixen.
Some suspicious chicks: “Women working on long-term projects with him or who have cellphone or pager access to him during off-hours,” says Gratch. “Also, pay attention when a co-worker invites him to non-work functions, especially if he goes without you.” That being said, try not to be paranoid about every woman that crosses his path—just keep your eyes open.
Once you have the enemy in your crosshairs, you don’t need to attack. “If you are uncomfortable, rude, or possessive when you see her complimenting your man or laughing at an inside joke, she’ll pick up on your insecurity,” says Lusterman. One strategy she might use to screw you over is making comments to him like “Aren’t you annoyed that she checks up on you all the time?” Stay cool and confident and she’ll have no ammo to use against you.
4. Stay On His Mind 24-7
Unfortunately, if your guy travels a lot for business, you have a whole other set of concerns. “People are more likely to be unfaithful out of their normal surroundings,” says Lusterman. “Loneliness plays a part, but also, the sex is more anonymous, so there’s less chance of getting caught.” In other words, they cheat just because they can.
To keep him from straying while on the road, send him off feeling fantastic about your relationship. “Save up some fun, novel sex ideas and try them out the night before his trip to leave a sexy lasting impression,” suggests Perry. And avoid getting into any last-minute fights or disagreements; he’ll leave with a bad taste in his mouth and a “screw her” attitude. “That last, unflattering image might be the one that comes to mind when someone seductive enters the picture,” Perry warns. In other words, he won’t feel as badly about boinking some other chick.
While your guy’s away, agree to chat once every day or so (you might even want to engage in some steamy phone sex to get him aching for you). When he knows he’s going to be touching base, even if it’s just to say good night, it’ll reinforce his sense of responsibility—and commitment—to you.