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Are You The "Fan" Or The "Star" In Your Relationship?

We don't notice it, but sometimes, we're either the doting partner or the one who lives to be adored. Which role do you play in your twosome? Find out.

Our main quest in life is to figure out who we really are and what our greater purpose is. Then there's the other quest of figuring out who our partner should be—a practice which ultimately and unknowingly reveals so much about ourselves. So let's take a moment to evaluate your role in romantic relationships.

Did your parents ever tell you to make sure you find a man who loves you more? This is definitely a biased comment since you are their daughter, but it's an interesting point to ponder. Is there always someone who loves "more" in a relationship? A question you should ask yourself is: "Are you the 'Fan' or the 'Star'?" (Note that this is different from the "Reacher" vs. "Settler" approach.) Suss out your role with this 25-item checklist:

1. You were the one who first showed interest.

2. If you both liked each other from the get-go, you made the first move to initiate contact (including, but not limited to: verbally greeting, asking for his number, texting, e-mailing, Tweeting, or sending a Facebook invite).

3. You are the one who usually texts or calls first.

4. You make an effort to be an active participant in your partner's interests more than he does with yours.

5. You make major adjustments and accept your partner's quirks, shortcomings, and so-called flaws.

6. You ask more questions about his day, dreams, worries, and problems.

7. You find yourself adjusting your schedule to make time for him since he won't necessarily do it whole-heartedly or conscientiously for you.

8. You are the one who initiates problem-solving during arguments or disagreements.

9. You usually give in to your partner's wants and/or needs even if you know it is not necessary, healthy, or worse, right.

10. You find yourself losing patience and understanding because you've forgiven his faults more often than you should have.

11. You give up your own interests, friends, job, or family just to keep him from leaving you.

12. You find yourself dropping appointments, responsibilities, and the like when your partner calls you on a whim.

13. You start to dress, talk, or act according to how he wants you to.

14. You are the one who usually does the chasing or giving in when arguments or breakups recur.

15. You unknowingly get in trouble with or disappoint your parents, boss, or colleagues just to make him happy.

16. You make excuses for your partner's shortcomings, attitude, and faults.

17. You find yourself doubting your worth.

18. You carry even the tiniest bit of guilt at the thought of leaving him.

19. You become isolated from your loved ones and devote yourself entirely to him and his world.

20. You end up losing yourself and your personality as you are wrapped up in his aura, presence, and interests.

21. You are afraid to make your own decisions unless your partner approves of them first.

22. You question his love, loyalty, and willingness to be devoted entirely to your relationship's growth.

23. You end up apologizing for a fault that was his, just to end the argument.

24. You allow him to take you for granted, or worse, hurt you physically, emotionally, or psychologically.

25. You can't bring yourself to leave him even if you know you should.

Now that you've answered these questions, it's time to come to terms with the result. If majority of your answers are "yes," then you may be revering your man too much like a fangirl. This indicates that you might be taking on the submissive role in the relationship, which is dangerous if it goes too far.

There is nothing wrong with being either the "Fan" or the "Star" as long as things balance out. If you both expect "Star" treatment, neither of you would be willing to compromise or admit fault. On the other hand, if both of you have "Fan" personalities, then an unhealthy obssession could come about. Hence, there is always a need to maintain a balance between being the dominant and submissive personality.

Your aim is to have a relationship where both participants have an equal stance. One day you can be his supportive "Fan," and another day, you can be the "Star" he cherishes. Whichever role you play, just make sure you are completely happy and secure with where you both stand.

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