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13 Things I Wish I Knew About Boners When I Was Younger

Some things you only learn from experience.

1. They will betray you.
When you first start getting boners, you'll feel like you went from seeing in black-and-white to color. A whole universe of possibilities will open up to you. But as amazing as boners first seem, they're going to start popping up whenever they want, like that friend who always comes by to hang out when you just want to relax.

2. Enjoy them while they last. 
Eventually, you're going to stop getting boners, so cherish these moments. Sure, that friend that always stops by uninvited can be annoying sometimes, but you'd miss him if he suddenly died in a terrible fire. That's kind of what boners are like. That fun, but annoying friend that will one day unceremoniously pass away in a fire.

3. They're not always fun. 
Brace yourself. At first, you and your boners are best friends, but you're going to get some inappropriate boners that are going to send you into a shame spiral that will make you wonder why you can't stop being so aroused during math class. Just brace yourself.

4. You're going to get them when you don't want them, but you're also not going to get them when you do. 
Nothing will leave you embarrassed and sweating and screaming at your genitals like whiskey dick (although spilling coffee on your crotch comes in at a close second). Your penis is wild and beautiful and untamed and it ANSWERS TO NO ONE.

5. You don't have to touch it every time you get one. 
This will be your first instinct. Refrain.

6. At first, girls are going to think they're weird and funny, but eventually they'll think they're awesome (and weird and funny). 
Listen, puberty is brutal, especially during gym class. People are going to laugh, but after this all shakes out, you're going to come out on top.

7. Getting a boner will never not feel awesome. 
Regardless of what's going on around you, the actual act of getting a boner is always going to be great. It never gets old. It's as if every time you got into your car, it still smelled new, except, in this case, the car smells like ball sweat.

8. Except when you get a pee boner. 
Pee boners hurt, man. This is the kind of stuff you have to watch out for. You're going to wake up, your penis is already in boner mode (get used to that) and you have to pee, but you've got to battle your erection to do it.

9. They can get uncomfortable. 
If you can't get rid of it, and it refuses to leave, things can get pretty intense, and not in a good way.

10. The first time you ejaculate, you're going to be so confused. 
It's going to feel like your brain shut down and you broke your penis but everything is OK. Just hold on.

11. You need to know the waistband trick now. 
If you're ever in trouble, just tuck your penis into your waistband. It's like boner camouflage.

12. Every boner is different. 
You're going to have some great boners. Boners that make you feel like you can move mountains. Some will be annoying. Some will make you feel like your penis isn't really trying. Don't panic though.

13. Having your boner touch the underside of a toilet seat when you sit down is a terrible feeling. 
It will send shivers down your spine. Avoid it at all costs.


This article originally appeared on Minor edits have been made by the editors.