She’s Not Pleasing You
No doubt if your lady were lying there like a cold fish, you would question your passion prowess. Well, the same holds true for your girl. “Without enthusiasm from you, your partner will think she’s subpar in bed,” says sex therapist Linda DeVillers, PhD, author of Love Skills. “In turn, she’ll lose confidence and become less eager to have sex.”
That’s why feedback (in the form of moans, groans, and an occasional "Oh God! Yes!") is key. “Don’t be afraid to tell her what you like,” adds DeVillers. Say, for example, “Can you do that thing with your tongue again?”
You’ll Think She’s Slutty
What guy doesn’t want a woman who will get a little freaky in bed? Unfortunately, your girl may be afraid that if she’s aggressive or experimental, you’ll assume she’s too, uh, experienced. “Women are aware that some men still have a double standard when it comes to sex,” says DeVillers. “She may fear that if she seems sexually advanced, you’ll be turned off.”
To reassure her that you’re enlightened, tell her you dig her daring the next time she’s bold in bed. Or give her confirmation that you’re equally as into it by revealing a fantasy of your own.
She Won’t Orgasm
While you may be freaking out about finishing too fast, she’s praying the Big O happens…period. Why? Because if it doesn’t, she worries you’ll think there’s something wrong with her or that you’re never going to make her come.
Unknowingly, guys often add to this anxiety by asking their bedmate if she has climaxed: “Instead of forcing the issue, focus on figuring out what makes her feel good,” says sex columnist Josey Vogels, author of Bedside Manners. Ask questions like “Do you like it when I do this?” and act on her answers.
You’re Focusing On Her Flaws
Obviously, you find your girl attractive or you wouldn’t be in bed with her. But while you’re lovin’ her hot bod, she might be obsessing about her saggy breasts or imperceptible jiggle.
To help get her into a frisky frame of mind, reassure her that you find her sexy as hell. “Instead of trying to dance around her specific hang-ups, comment on what genuinely turns you on the most,” suggests Vogels. Like if you think she has a great ass, tell her so.
She’s Not Pleasing You