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9 Hand Job Truths Every Guy Needs To Hear

Listen up.
PHOTO: Getty
  1. Why you care to do this at all You still prefer this to putting your head down there and smelling his balls.

     
    Hand jobs can feel boring, like sexual busy-work. It honestly boggles the mind why you'd want to do this, so let him know why you're into it. It might be as simple as the fact that a hand job beats getting your nose right in between some smelly balls and taint. (As an aside some guys don’t realize that their sweaty washcloth area smells funky. Feel free to tell them that, too. They might be embarrassed, but they'll thank you for it in the long run.)
  2. You’re tempted to check your phone. 

    Hand jobs are only as sexy as you make them.
  3. If he doesn’t say he needs more lube, you’re probably not going to give him more lube. 

    You’re like that busy waiter at a restaurant who won’t bring more soda unless you ask. You’ve got a lot on your plate, so to speak. Lube is by request only.
  4. This feels juvenile for both of you.

    For a lot of us, hand jobs were the first awkward, fumbling sex thing. You should probably know he might be picturing a dimly lit camp cabin right now.
  5. You need to come to an agreement as to where he’s going to finish way in advance, and not three seconds before he’s about to orgasm. 

    There’s no reason you should both be panicking like his dick is on fire right when he’s about to finish. He can give you plenty of warning. Remind him of this fact until it sticks.
  6. He needs to be the one to tell you if it’s too hard or not.

    It’s not really your fault if he’s silent about how fast or slow or loose your form is. It’s not rude to remark, “excuse me, but you’re chafing my penis.”
  7. He’s going to give you carpal tunnel syndrome.

    Full-time data entry and hand jobs have a lot in common, apparently.
  8. You might only be doing this because you don’t want your jaw getting sore.

    This is a palate cleanser before other sex things. Like sorbet. And that's fine.
  9. He needs to manscape way more than he realizes. 

    There’s nothing worse than a handful of sweaty pubes. No one needs a billiard-ball smoothness down there, but a tiny bit of maintenance goes a long way.

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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.