SEX STAGE: Six Months
When you first get together with a guy and start sleeping with him, your excitement causes the release of adrenaline, which provides plenty of fuel for those glorious sexathons. Around six months into it, however, both your and your guy’s bodies start releasing a chemical called oxytocin (known as the cuddle hormone) more than adrenaline.
“Oxytocin promotes feelings of love and connectedness,” explains clinical psychologist Linda Mona, PhD, director of research at MyPleasure.com. “You may still be having sex often, but it takes on a more soulful note.” The problem? Those steamy, have-to-have-each-other-now sack sessions happen less frequently than they used to.
Naughty hint: Channel your inner sex kitten like you did in the early days of dating. Send him a steamy text during the workday that lets him know how much you’re dying to get your hands on him. While you’re sweating it out on the stair-climber at the gym, fantasize about a hot encounter you’ve had with your man. The next time you see him, you’ll be raring to pounce.
SEX STAGE: One Year
During the first year of dating for both men and women, the brain releases two other chemicals in addition to oxytocin—dopamine and serotonin—both of which contribute to that exhilarated, super-happy feeling that makes you want to smile at total strangers.
After a year, “chemical levels start to return to normal,” says Thomas Lewis, MD, co-author of A General Theory of Love. It is your body’s way of ensuring that you go back to focusing on friends, work, and all the other things you may have neglected during the honeymoon phase of your relationship. As a result, many couples get horizontal less often.
There’s actually a subconscious logic at work behind the downshift. Because you’re secure in your relationship and know you can have sex any time you want it (presumably), intercourse winds up getting put on the back burner.
Naughty hint: Instead of channel-surfing or snuggling in front of the TV to unplug from your jobs, pull him into bed the second you’re both home from work and start making out. Then, slowly start peeling off each other’s clothes. Another suggestion: Even if neither of you are morning people, set the alarm early to have a 10-minute quickie before work that will leave you both giddy for the rest of the day.
SEX STAGE: Two Years or More
Biologically speaking, there aren’t any major hormonal changes going on with either of you at this juncture. But you are in danger of going on sexual auto-pilot. “After two years, you settle into a sexual pattern,” says Luadzers. “He knows what you like, you know what he likes, so you stop trying new things.”
Naughty hint: Move out of your comfort zone. If dirty talk was never part of your repertoire, whisper some lascivious words to him during sex. “You’re creating a sex language that’s only for the two of you,” says Mona.
Explore a position that you and your man may have felt was a little taboo or tricky but that you’re totally curious about. Or, incorporate sex toys into your sack sessions, like bringing an egg-shaped vibrator to bed so he can give you a tantalizing buzz.