Anal is nothing new, it's been around forevs, and tons of women are into it. Back in the dark ages, cavemen were probably still pressuring their cavegirlfriends for it and promising to go "really slow, trust me" or whatever. Nowadays, it's very much YOU DO YOU. If you both love it, awesome! Go forth and do butt stuff.
But for those of you who are on the fence, here are 10 compelling signs that this isn't the guy to try it with.
1. He doesn't seem to care if it's causing discomfort.
If it doesn't feel good, you shouldn't do it! That should be in Sex Ed 101, honestly. Your partner should be 100 percent invested in listening and communicating during any sex act, but that goes doubly so for anything you may be trying for the first time.
2. If a guy hears that you've had anal sex before, he assumes it's on the table for him at some point as well.
News flash, everyone has done stuff we don't wish to go back to. I worked at a hot, un-air conditioned seafood shack all summer in high school; doesn't mean I live my life assuming I'll quit my job and go back to that. Just because the stars aligned that one time and you felt great trying it once, doesn't mean it applies to all future partners. If he doesn't get that sometimes trust needs to be earned ... C YA!!!
3. He has no idea you can't go back and forth from vag to anal without switching condoms.
Some guys are so lazy they will literally use the 36 inches of space between your bed and your nightstand as an excuse to not use a condom in the first place, so what guarantee do you have that he knows enough or cares enough about spreading bacteria from hole to hole? You need a new condom for EVERY. SEX. ACT.
4. When it comes down to it, you don't really trust him to actually go slow.
This is a guy who also promised to take you home to meet his parents "over the holiday break," but alas, Christmas and New Year's has come and gone, and you're pretty sure his parents have no idea you exist. How do you know this isn't just another empty promise?
5. He dares to utter the slightest implication that you are "not chill" if you don't want to.
Hahahaha so I'm a prude if I have personal boundaries or preferences? Bye!
6. He makes you feel "guilty" because you're on your period.
Oh, I'm "squeamish" for not jumping at the chance for you to stick your penis up my actual butthole, but you're too grossed out to have period sex or go down on me during my period? Cool. Noted.
7. You feel pressured to be into it because his ex-girlfriend was into it, and you know you have to be everything she was and more.
You have dreams of someday running into "Samantha" in a bar bathroom while you're both slizzard and becoming BFFs. Then three months into your friendship, you can casually be like, "Oh weird, I also dated Brad. You must be the cool Samantha," blah, blah, blah. But then the happy ending is that she's like, "Um, no, I hated it, he's a liar," and you both chuckle and drive off a cliff together. All this to say: You do not have to be into the same things your partner's exes were into, duh.
8. He makes you feel weirdly insecure because he keeps bringing up that it's "tighter."
Then you develop a whole complex like, Is my vagina loose or something? Spoiler: Your vagina is great and totally fine. Guys: Why are you trying to neg your way into my asshole? I don't look at your allegedly "7 inches from the inside of my balls to the tip" penis and say, "Hmmm you know what's objectively larger but also not necessarily going to give me more pleasure? Your forearm."
9. You don't really trust him not to make a huge deal if things get messy.
If a dude still considers Seth Rogen to be the height of intellectual comedy or chuckles every time he hears the "jury duty," how can he be trusted to not make a big deal if there is maybe just a tiny bit of poop involved in this sex act?
10. You suspect he'll get mad or offended if you're not broadcasting how it's ~literally~ the best thing that's ever happened to you.
Since everyone knows guys like to make your orgasms about themselves, there's also pressure to actively be enjoying it, and not just trying something new to see how you like it. Neither you nor your B-hole deserve this kind of pressure.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.