If you watch porn—and you probably do: no tea, no hate, no shade—then you’re idea of how to finger a girl involves someone vigorously trying to erase her clit and then jabbing a finger in and out of her vagina so fast until she orgasms 15 seconds later. I don’t know a single woman who gets off that fast, that way.
If it’s true for you, then congrats, but more often than not, it takes waaay more than that to get her off. And you must need more tips if you clicked on this article, so we’re here to help you out. Ahead is everything you need to consider if you want to be an expert at fingering a girl.
Set the mood.
Women have a lot of things on their minds, and it’s hard to turn it off. So the first thing you need to do is make sure she’s comfortable and that she consents. Society has led women to believe that intercourse is the “main course” and that everything else before that is less than. Make sure you let her know that you want to finger her and that her pleasure is just as important as yours. This is really more important than sexy music or candles. Verbalize how much you want to please her.
Get your hands ready.
CUT. YOUR. NAILS. That’s another thing porn’s gotten wrong. In porn, when two women finger each other, they always have long nails, and it does not look like it feels great, LOL. Keep your nails short and filed ‘cause the last thing you want to do is ruin the mood by hurting her.
Know her vulva (vagina).
One of the biggest mistakes most people make when fingering a girl is not knowing where the fuck anything is. They just think that if they rub really hard in the general area, they’ll hit gold eventually. Wrong.
What most of you consider to be the vagina is actually the vulva. Women have two sets of labia: the outer and inner labia. The outer labia is where hair grows. The inner labia joins at the top of the vulva, which is also in the same area the clitoris is located. It’ll feel like a small nub. The clitoris looks different for every woman: some are big and protruding, others are hidden under a “hood.” If you look lower, you’ll see the vaginal opening.
Anticipation is half the fun of getting fingered. Most women love that build-up. Spend a lot of time kissing her, running your hands all over her body. Run your hand around her labia without taking her underwear off to arouse her.
Once you take her panties off, stroke her vulva without parting her labia. If, for some reason, she isn’t wet enough, there’s no shame in using a little lube. Lube prevents uncomfortable tugging or stretching of the skin. Don’t let this throw you off. Natural lubrication can be affected by so many factors that are out of your control: stress, hormones, and even hydration.
Find her clitoris.
The clitoris is a key player in women’s arousal. Most women enjoy having it stimulated, and some need it fondled to be able to reach orgasm. Why? Because it’s extremely sensitive. That said, there are also some women who prefer having it indirectly stimulated—because direct touch can feel too much.
Begin by gently circling her clitoris without touching it. See if she responds positively to the touch. Move closer to the clit. If she pulls away or tells you to go slower, try not to touch it directly.
Don’t neglect other parts of her body.
Apart from occasionally kissing her on the lips, you can also try playing with her breasts, tickling her thighs, or kissing her neck. For women, it’s a whole-body experience. You can also try inserting or dipping one finger first. Glide in and out while increasing the speed. If you feel like she can take one more, add another finger.
The in-and-out motion is what people start with, but don’t be limited by this. Feel free to stay in there and try other motions—but check how she reacts to them. There are also people who enjoy a swirling motion inside the vagina.
Find the G-spot.
The G-spot is two to three inches deep and towards the top part of the vulva. It feels rougher than the skin in this area. You can find it by making a hook or a “come here” motion with your finger after you insert it in her vaginal opening.
Use both hands to thrust into the G-spot and stimulate the clitoris at the same time. The secret is to make sure you’re using two different rhythms. And unless she asks you to go faster, you don’t have to worry about speed. Focus on technique and take your time. Women need consistency to reach orgasm so if she tells you to “keep going,” don’t, under any circumstances, change what you’re doing because you’re on the right track.
Another option is to bring in a little help: a clitoral vibrator. If you want to focus on her G-spot, let an exterior vibrator do all the work on her clit.
There’s no such thing as too much communication.
Believe it or not: You can also just ask how she’s feeling while you’re fingering her. This is the easiest way to figure out if she’s having a good time. Here are some questions you can ask:
- “Does this feel good?”
- “Is one finger enough?”
- “Do you want more?”
- “Does it hurt?”
- “Is this too hard? Too soft?”
- “Are you close?”
Don’t bombard her with back-to-back questions because it might be distracting but it’s always nice to check in.
Like anything else when it comes to sex, fingering a woman and doing it well is a skill. And it takes a lot of time, practice, and patience to master a skill. There might be a chance you don’t blow her mind the first few times, but don’t be discouraged. She’ll appreciate the effort.
Follow Vivien on Instagram.