Another day, another Sex and the City reference.
In one episode, Miranda meets a man while she’s training for the marathon. They eventually hook up and in the middle of foreplay, with her back to him, he slowly inched down and licked her butt—no, we’re not talking about her cheeks; he went for her anus. That’s what a rim job is.
Of course, this became a topic of discussion at brunch, with Charlotte revealing that her husband enjoyed this. Being the most conservative in the group, this revelation surprised everybody. But this goes to show that everyone has secret kinks we might not know about. Don’t knock it 'til you try it, right?
How common are rim jobs?
Rimming involves stimulating a person’s anus with your mouth. There’s a reason why anal sex is gaining more popularity: There’s actually a lot nerves back there, nerves you may be neglecting because of a perceived notion that it’s “dirty” or “disgusting.” In fact, there are a lot of people who quite enjoy anilingus. In 2008, a study of 1,400 men found that those who’ve experienced heterosexual anal sex, rim jobs were pretty common—both giving and receiving. In the span of 30 days, “24 percent had performed anilingus on their female partners, and 15 percent had received it.”
How do you want to tell your partner you want to try rimming?
Like with everything else, consent is necessary. If you regularly talk about your sex life, simply asking if it’s okay is enough. If it’s a firm no, then it’s a no. If you feel like there might be more room to wiggle, ask if you can talk about it further, and do your research together. Maybe he or she just said no because it’s such a foreign concept.
While giving a woman oral sex, depending on the position, it’s easy for things to slip. One big lip can have you performing anilingus even without intending to. Acknowledge that it happened, and then ask how she felt about it.
Does it taste bad?
Considering what goes through the anus, we can’t really blame you for wondering, “What does it taste like when you give someone a rim job?” But the truth is, if it’s been properly cleaned, it tastes just like most body parts—like skin.
Are rim jobs messy?
Again, the key factor in making sure that a rim job is pleasurable for both the giver and receiver is proper hygiene. In the Sex and the City episode, Miranda and her Marathon Man went straight to having sex right after a training session. You can imagine how sweaty (and smelly) that was. Some people don’t mind this; in fact, that strong scent is a turn on. But if it’s your first time and the thought of pressing your face onto someone’s butt or having someone’s face so near your behind is intimidating, you can absolutely just do what you can to prepare. Just spend a few extra minutes making sure your anus is extra clean before you do the deed.
Do you have to shave or wax your butthole beforehand?
Do you have to? No. It really depends on your preference. It’s just like oral sex: It’s your call if you want it completely bare or 100 percent natural. One isn’t “cleaner” than the other. And if you don’t normally remove body hair in that area, you don’t have to start now. It’s hair, it’s natural. It’s meant to be there, so don’t be trying to bend so far just to get rid of it.
Are rim jobs safe?
According to Dr. Evan Goldstein, M.D., the risks of giving a rim job include your standard STIs like Hepatitis A, HPV, syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydia.
One of the things you have to be super careful about is cross-contamination aka switching to vaginal penetration from anal sex without taking a break. According to sex therapist Dr. Jordan Rullo, “Vaginal penetration after anal penetration can lead to infection. Never go from the anus to the vagina without a wash break and [an] application of a new condom. If a condom was not used, washing the penis after anal sex isn’t enough, as bacteria can still be inside the urethra. You need to not only wash your penis, but also urinate.”
Rim job tips
- For all you newbies out there, the easiest technique is simply licking someone’s anus up and down. Make sure your tongue is loose and NOT dry. You can switch this up with a circular motion, too.
- If you’ve mastered that technique and feel comfortable enough with being back there, point your tongue and try to “penetrate” his anus with it. To be clear, do not just shove your entire tongue in there. It’s still more important to make sure things are still “clean.” If he asks for penetration, compromise and use a butt plug, instead.
- Is your tongue getting tired? Go back to kisses—but make sure they’re a little wet.
- When it comes to blow jobs, the general rule is “no teeth”…unless you know how to do it carefully enough that it actually feels good. The same rule applies to rim jobs. Instead of biting, slowly drag your teeth over the anus.
- While your mouth is busy pleasuring your partner’s anus, put your hands to good use. Gently scratch his/her butt cheeks; it’s like an erotic tickle that’s sure to send shivers down the spine.
- Give your mouth a break, use your finger, and mimic your tongue’s motions. This way, your partner’s arousal doesn’t have to be put on hold, and you can get the chance to relax your tongue.
- In terms of positions, the easiest one is to simply have your partner get on all fours in front of you. This position naturally spreads the butt cheeks more open so you don’t have to feel like you’re suffocating. A way to make it even easier is for your partner to rest his or her head (and upper body) on the bed, while still on their knees, lifting the butt up to you.
Now that you’re armed with more knowledge on how to give a rim job, give it a try, and let us know how it goes!