10 Reasons To Never Let Your Guy Give You A 'Facial'

Aka ejaculate on your face.
PHOTO: Nickelodeon

Like literally any other sex thing, there's nothing necessarily demeaning or bad or demoralizing about a "facial" (AKA when a guy ejaculates on a partner's face) if it's something both parties are equally interested in. But also like literally any other sex thing, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do — and that includes letting a rain shower of warm semen fall unto the only face you're given in this life! You can just say no, full-stop. But if you're feeling creative, here are 10 extremely good and rational explanations to provide to anyone who wants to ejaculate on your face when you're just not in the mood for that.

1. You aren't wearing waterproof mascara and also aren't trying to have raccoon eyes. 

You weren't planning on going for a swim or having a cry today so you just applied normal mascara! A downpour of semen isn't in your personal forecast!

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2. Also, eye herpes exists

There's nothing shameful about having herpes, but is contracting an STI in your eyeball on your to-do list? It cannot possibly be. And just like all the other types of herpes, ocular herpes can't be fully cured—a doctor can only treat the symptoms. Consider this a strong case to avoid facials or at least put goggles on first.

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3. What if it washes your sunscreen off and you get a slight burn? 

Because you're smart and savvy, you obviously wear some sort of SPF every day to avoid soaking up too many hazardous rays. You can't very well risk losing your sun protection just for a few moments of sexual pleasure! An orgasm lasts only moments but sun damage lasts a lifetime.

4. You JUST washed your face and over-washing can be so drying. :(

If only he'd asked just a few minutes earlier!!! Too bad, so sad, no facial to be had.

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5. Alternatively: You JUST used the last of your night cream. 

Unless his semen has moisturizing properties that allow it to be bottled and sold for $80 a tub in Sephora, it just doesn't make economical sense to trade your night cream for his night cream (if you catch my DRIFT).

6. You tweezed your eyebrows before coming to bed and they're a little sore at the moment. 

I'm not exactly sure what sort of ~healing properties~ semen could possibly have, but I doubt it serves as an ointment for your bright red brow bones. 

7. Semen could ruin your rigorous moisturizing routine. 

Despite a beauty blogger swearing by the magical effects of semen facials (LITERAL facials, not the sex act) to ease her rosacea, dermatologist Doris Day warns that semen can actually dry skin and make rosacea more pronounced. Not to deny anyone their sexual pleasure but is ejaculating on someone's face *really* worth exacerbating a dry skin disorder? (No, no it isn't.)

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8. There are countless other places on which to deposit semen. 

Look I'm not a mathematician, but I'm pretty sure a person's face only accounts for, like, .01 percent of the entire rest of the body. What if you kindly suggested your partner ejaculates literally anywhere else? A fun compromise that pleases everyone may be your chest (it's a thing, and it's called a pearl necklace).

9. You're on day two of your blowout and really don't want to wash your hair just yet. 

The best way to justify spending $50 to have someone else blow dry your hair is making that expensive blow dry last for as long as humanly possible. If you're considering becoming a human bat and sleeping hanging upside-down from the ceiling to preserve your hairstyle, does this guy *really* think you'd run the risk of some semen dripping into your hair? No-sir-ee. 

10. Honestly you're just not into the idea of letting a dude spill his junk on the window to your soul. 

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Semen isn't gross, and letting someone come on your face (if that's something you're interested in) isn't inherently demeaning. But, like any and all sex things, you shouldn't let a guy ejaculate on your face unless you legitimately think you'd enjoy it, also. There are so many surfaces and crevices available for men to insert their semen into, your shining face doesn't have to be one of those surfaces! 

Follow Hannah on Twitter.


This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.

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