Slow, sensual sex with lots of touching, nipple play, and all those awesome things can be really great. But not everyone wants that all of the time.
"A rough and tough sexual tumble can be a great, liberating experience between consenting partners, that can help release tension, re-ignite passion, improve communication, and provide deep physical and mental satisfaction," says sex expert Lili Hornyai. "Getting off hard and fast is a desire (and need) sometimes, so don't be shy to ask for a yank or a spank."
If you follow some basic guidelines, you can get the rough sex you need, in a pleasurable and safe way. Lili explains how here:
The Three Cs: Confidence, communication, and consent
So, you want to get more passionate and dominant in bed, but don't know how to approach the topic with your partner? Fear not, chances are they have fantasized about something similar at one point or another. Bring up the topic with confidence, show them that you know what you're talking about and that you want to explore rough sex only once you are both comfortable with the idea.
You have to be sure they're just as enthusiastic and up for the same things, whether that's spanking, biting, or hair-pulling. Agree on a safe word that can help you both relax into the experience without the fear of losing control. Decide on your boundaries and ensure that you are both on the same page about how far you want to go before you jump in bed, so you won't have to deal with questions, confusions, and surprises later."
Don't forget, no matter how carried away you get, to read your partner's body language. Similarly, if you've changed your mind about something, don't be shy to voice your concerns and tell them to slow down or stop if you are not comfortable anymore.
Lubrication is a MUST
There's no denying that rough sex is a bit risky, no matter how careful you are. You can minimize the chance of vaginal bruising and penile fractures by making sure that you lubricate. Spit can be a hot, and fitting way to make things slide more effortlessly, but if you want to add some extra cushion to your pushin' and ensure a fulfilling session for both of you, you should seek out a lubricant that offers some extra padding.
When using condoms during rough sex, go for a thicker type of condom to make sure that it doesn't rip.
While it sounds like an easy enough thing to do, we are all raised and taught to be reserved in our sexuality and are rarely given an opportunity to let our inner beasts roar. Spend an afternoon building up your need and desire for your partner's body and touch and save up all the thirst you feel for sexual satisfaction. Once you have the chance, unleash all the pent up sexual energy on each other and let clothes and inhibitions fall aside.
Talking dirty to each other, describing what you want to do to the other or what you want them to do to you can help things get started and make it feel more spontaneous.
What can you do to make it "rough?" Bite each other's lips, pull on each other's hair, talk dirty, grab, scratch and handle each other's body with less care than usual. If you've discussed it, don't be afraid of causing a bit of pain. Your ultimate goal is to collapse in an exhausted pile of human rubble.
Combine spanking with some rough, hard, fast penetration. Get down to it in doggy style and let some deliciously painful slaps on your butt cheeks contract your muscles to enhance both of your pleasures.
Changing positions can be a mood-killer, but when you're committed to thoroughly ruining each other, you can make this chore another thrilling exercise in domination and physical power exchange. Push, order, and manhandle each other around the bed, force each other to perform oral sex. But don’t forget the boundaries you've set beforehand and don’t be afraid to use the safe word if you feel like you've had enough.
You can get some wrist ties to bind your partner (or have them bind you). That way, they'll be completely vulnerable to your whims and fancies. You can also explore orgasm denial or chastity play, which both increase your sexual thirst and can make the eventual sex even more intense.
Other props to try are mouth gags, which take away one of the most fundamental methods of releasing pressure during sex—sound. The muffled moans and screams act as huge turn-ons for most, but make sure to agree on a non-verbal safe word that you will both be able to understand and notice in the heat of the moment too.
Introduce a butt plug to your play for a tight, deeply fulfilled experience and a completely new sensation for your partner. Experiment with what you like and enjoy the rough, stress-relieving journey you started together.
Aftercare is perhaps The Most Important Part of rough sex (along with communication and consent, ofc). Don't forget to look after your partner once the deed is done. Rough sex can feel amazingly wild and animalistic, and therefore can lead to vulnerable moments afterward. Spend some time cuddling and talking to each other, take a long hot bath together, drink water to rehydrate and use some moisturizer on areas that have been spanked raw. And once the smoke has settled, you can start it all over again.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com/uk. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.