It’s important to keep in mind that as appealing as amazing sexual chemistry is, it isn’t going to make or break your relationship. Don’t sweat it if your sex life doesn’t feel effortless; that’s completely normal. But if you’ve got matching libidos, that’s just icing on a cake. There’s probably a better, less sexual metaphor to use there, though.
1. You can communicate verbally and wordlessly.
Two souls sharing one body is magical, or whatever. Whether you can somehow spit out the perfect dirty talk that nails down exactly what you want, or you can just look your partner in the eye and swear you have telekinetic powers, you've got communication locked down.
2. There’s deep trust.
Good sex and trust go hand in hand. There’s the obvious: knowing your partner is using protection, that they’ve been up front about STD testing, and that they’re not going to suddenly spring anything on you. But it’s also about trusting that they know your body, that they respect you, and that there’s no judgment.
3. You don’t mind experimenting.
That trust gives way to an environment where you can mess around, dip your toes into the water of a few unexpected new sex things you saw in Fifty Shades, and try out a toy or two without screwing things up. You trust the other person to put a stop to anything they don’t like. You might surprise each other with what winds up turning you on. And all this means the sex can never really get boring.
4. You’re both ready to go at a moment’s notice.
It’s insane how quickly you turn each other on. If you’re ever hard-pressed for a quickie, it’s like you’re a sex pit crew. You work so well together.
5. Sex never feels like a chore.
You never feel like you’re in a rut, or like you’re having sex just to have sex, or because one of you is horny and the other one figures they might as well. Your sex is frequent and it usually feels natural.
6. You never take it too seriously.
You can laugh at dumb accidents like falling off the bed. No one is mortified when you start your period mid-coitus or he lets a fart slip out. It’s sex. It’s weird, it’s fun, it’s amazing and sometimes awkward.
7. The sex never feels selfish.
It never feels like one of you is just a means to an end while the other pumps away. The sex is always about making sure you both get off by the time it’s all wrapped up.
8. You can talk it out.
You can talk it out before, during, and after. Talking about sex never feels cringey or awkward.
9. You make each other feel wanted.
You feel sexy during sex. That might sound pretty obvious but it’s not always the case. The way your partner looks at you, touches you, and makes you feel turns you on because you know they’re turned on, and that turns them on, and the cycle continues until orgasm.
10. You know that none of this is really that important.
You don’t overthink anything. If all the elements fit together, great. If they don’t, you’re still going to have fun having sex. And that’s what’s most important.
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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.