The 21 Complex Stages Of Hooking Up With A Friend

This is about to go from weird to cool, back to weird and then collapse in on itself.

1. This new person is like, John Lloyd attractive.
They are hot but nonthreatening at the same time. They don't give me butterflies in my stomach or anything, but I wouldn't be mad if I saw them naked.

2. I'm drunk with them but somehow I don't feel horny? 
Is this actually going to turn into a friendship? I don't think either of us were really getting sexual vibe, but it was a fun time.

3. We're basically Harry and Sally at this point. 
My friends tease me about them, but I just like hanging out. No weird stuff. I wouldn't care if they started dating someone else. Whatever. Why would I get jealous? I'm not jealous. I don't care. They can do whatever they want.

4. I actually care about this friendship, which is weird, because I always made fun of guys and girls who were "just friends." 
I totally don't want to bone them but sometimes I think about what it would be like to bone them. Hypothetically. Like, if I did want to bone them. I don't, though.

5. Wait, now it's like we're in a Nicki Minaj video.
We're all flirty and sexy. Wait, are they flirty? Are they being flirty or do we just have "that kind" of friendship? Sometimes I think about them in the shower. As a friend, though. As a shower friend.

6. I CANT IGNORE THESE FEELINGS ANYMORE. 
Maybe it's the vodka or maybe it's the fact that I haven't had sex in months or maybe it's the fact that sometimes when we watch a movie together we cuddle, but I'm just going for it now.

7. *Fumblingly make out for 10 minutes* 
I think I liked it?

8. Haha oh, great, I've just made my life weird forever. 
Let's hang out in a group setting. It's been a week and we've barely talked, and now a bunch of us are headed to the movies. Should I even acknowledge them?

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9. Thank god we're both choosing to ignore it, like a splinter or the last season of How I Met Your Mother
They're acting kind of quiet, but otherwise normal. We're just going to ask like this never happened and we're just two friends that hang out as friends and have been inside each other as friends.

10. Shit, how did I wind up at their apartment again? 
Well, that was definitely not a one-time deal.

11. Might as well make it a sex thing. 
At this point, it's like you're standing at the top of the water slide. I spent all that time waiting in line, so why chicken out now?

12. That was kind of weird, but it was also sex? 
Like, that was enjoyable, but I did not expect them to be so into butt play. I kind of feel like I just found out my brother was really into butt play.

13. Must not ask if this is "A Thing."
Only dads ask if you two are "A Thing." I guess I don't have to worry about it, since they're asking for me. How do you tell someone you only think they're kind of cool?

14. Great, now we have to have the second weirdest sex talk of my life. 
I guess the good news is they also think I'm cool enough to bang but not cool enough to date forever. So, thanks?

15. Well that went surprisingly well.
Now all I have to do is not get emotionally invested.

16. Aaaaaaaand I'm emotionally invested. 
I don't like them that much, but I think I'd be annoyed if they dated someone else. I've started texting them every day… like I'd do with someone I was actually dating.

17. It's like I just elected myself the mayor of Weirdtown. 
Oh, man. They're backing off. We both need to back off. This isn't healthy.

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18. I feel so incestuous.
We need to just go back to being friends STAT. That won't be hard, right?

19. They're dating someone else now but I'm not even mad. 
It's just like, whatever. Wait, I hope they don't tell our other friends about what happened. Parties are gonna be awkward.

20. *Can't stop picturing them naked* 
Sometimes I still think about them in the shower.

21. At least every time we're both single, there's an unspoken agreement that we'll make out for ever and ever. 
It's like a support group where everyone kisses each other.

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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors. 

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