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4 Ways Texting Can Make Guys Slack Off

Does he rely on just SMS to make the moves on you? Find out why that may not always be a good thing.

Your text inbox likely has a slew of messages sent to you by guys you know—from “Wassup, hottie?” to “Can I see u 2nyt?” Nowadays, texting is more popular than ever: Market Research International reports that one out of two Pinoys is a subscriber of a mobile service provider, amounting to approximately 42.78 million subscribers to the top four mobile service providers.

The problem? “It lets men put less energy into dating and establishes a pattern of laziness once you’re a couple,” says Brenda Shoshanna, PhD, author of Zen And The Art Of Falling in Love. Cosmo explores the pitfalls of unspoken exchanges and how to deter a guy from relying on them.

TECH TROUBLE 1: He Won’t Take Chances

When a guy sends a vague text, like “Let’s hang out,” the onus is on you to specify the plans. “Men slack since they can drop the ball in your lap with an ambiguous note,” says Shoshanna.

While some guys use texts as a rejection buffer (“If you’re not into him, you just won’t respond, which is easier for him to handle than hearing you turn him down,” explains Shoshanna), put the brakes on by writing back with “Call me later,” suggests Hilarie Cash, PhD, cofounder of Internet/Computer Addiction Services in Washington.

TECH TROUBLE 2: There’s No Connection

You know the thrill of talking to men on the phone—the sexy laughter and enthusiastic tone? Well, it all falls flat in typewritten form. “Texting lets guys avoid intimacy,” says Cash. “Your communication is shallow.”

Plus, research shows men text to manage relationships, whereas women do it to bond. Translation: While he’s limiting your interactions, you’re left craving more. So, next time he calls, give him positive reinforcement. Say, “It’s so nice to hear your voice,” suggests Cash.

TECH TROUBLE 3: You Can’t Read Him

“Since you never hear a guy’s tone in a text, it’s difficult to decipher his feelings,” explains Cash. So, “I had fun last night” might mean either he’s feelin’ you, he enjoyed hooking up, or he’s not interested but wanted to be nice. During a convo, the articulation in his voice would clue you in. Encourage him to call by ignoring his texts but responding promptly to his voice mails.

TECH TROUBLE 4: He Avoids Conflict

Say a guy wants to cancel plans. “He blows you off via text so he won’t get chewed out,” says Cash. Or, “if it’s getting too serious for him, he can write less to push you away without a messy fall-out,” says Shoshanna.

Show him he can’t disrespect you by telling him “It would’ve been nice if you’d called to check in/say you couldn’t make it.” The verdict: If he still won’t call after you’ve asked him to, stop replying. He’s not invested enough to step up. In short, “he’s just not that into you” and you’ll have to find a new guy—and textmate—who is worth your text buck.

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