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5 Ways To Slow Down Your Sack Sessions

For the love month, take a break from rough, naughty quickies, and take time for slow, intense lovemaking. Cosmo tells you how.

Everything happens fast and furiously nowadays. But, there’s one area of life where men want the good times to last longer than you might guess: in bed.

Somewhere along the line, guys earned a rep for wanting sex to be a “wham, bam, thank you, ma’am” experience. But, a recent Cosmo poll (tens of thousands of males responded) found that the majority of men crave quickies only a few times a week—max—and 65 percent want longer sack sessions to last at least 45 minutes.

This is really great news, because slower sex has major payoffs for you: To begin with, it takes females more time than males to get turned on and reach orgasm. Plus, having sex at a decelerated pace intensifies pleasure and lets you and your bedmate bond more deeply, because you can explore each other’s bodies and experiment with new kinds of foreplay.

There is, of course, one practical matter that needs to be addressed: how to contain a man’s excitement in order to extend the play. And moreover, while languorous sex sounds hot in theory, what the heck do you do to fill all that time?

No worries—you’re about to learn how to master the art of the slowie (the polar opposite of a quickie). “The key is building up excitement gradually,” says Ian Kerner, PhD, author of Passionista.

1. Start Before You Hit The Bedroom

You can draw out doing the deed by setting the stage hours in advance. Send him a naughty text early in the day—a line like “Save your energy....You’re going to need it later” should do the trick. Then, during dinner or drinks, reveal something sexy you want to try later and have him do the same. “Sharing your desires ensures you’re on the same page mentally and also helps you connect on an emotional level,” says Kerner. Having this discussion in public increases anticipation, because you will get turned on, but are forced to put off acting on your urges.

Then, seize the opportunity to unveil your plan for the rest of the evening. Tell him “Tonight, I fully intend to take my time pleasing you.” And if it’s feasible, lay your hand on his thigh as you say it. “Physical contact stimulates the hormone oxytocin, which makes you feel happy, relaxed, and close to each other,” explains Kerner. “And, that mindset is a crucial element for building arousal, especially for women.”

2. Initiate A Sexy Clothes Tease

Instead of viewing clothes as obstacles that need to be shed ASAP, use them as seduction tools, suggests Clifford Penner, PhD, sex therapist in California. Prolong the disrobing process by taking turns stripping articles off each other’s bodies one by one. Lift the bottom of his shirt to expose his lower abs, and run your tongue over his bare skin. Switch between tender moves and wild ones, like directing him to remove your underwear using only his teeth.

You’ll probably be so turned on by this point that you’ll want to fast-forward to intercourse. Resist the temptation. “Taking things down a notch and then building arousal back up once more increases blood flow to your genitals,” Kerner says.

“That, in turn, leads to a spike of sex hormones in your brain and more sexual tension within your muscles, leaving you with powerful feelings of desire.”

3. Hop In A Steamy Shower Together

Before hitting the sheets, lead him into the bathroom and indulge in a shower for two. “The warm water relaxes you, priming you for more intense arousal,” explains Penner. “Take your time massaging soap onto one another’s bodies and shampooing each other’s hair to awaken nerve endings.”

After getting all sudsy, embrace, and rub your hands over his back and butt, enjoying the slippery sensation of skin-to-skin contact. Spend some time making out, too. It’s one of the first activities to get tossed by the wayside when you’re rushing to have sex, so savor this opportunity to kiss deeply. When things reach a fever pitch of excitement, pry yourselves apart, then rinse and dry off.

4. Enjoy Giving And Getting Electrifying Massages

If you still have time on your hands (and an inordinate amount of willpower), consider giving each other sensual rubdowns. The trick to making the experience excruciatingly sexy is to engage both erogenous and non-erogenous zones. “Alternate between focusing on neutral areas of his body and sensitive places near his genitals,” says Kerner. “Almost going there will really tease and tantalize him.”

Start working on his legs, where his skin is thicker and less sensitive. After a couple of minutes, lighten your strokes and head toward his nerve-packed inner thighs. When you sense (or see!) him getting aroused, switch back. Vary your touch, too—use your nails for a tingly sensation and the pads of your fingers for a subtler effect. When it’s his turn to massage you, guide him to apply firm pressure on your back, alternating with soft strokes on spots like your breasts and abs.

5. Savor A Slow-Burn Sex Position

After all that buildup, your man will be aroused like crazy and will want to have sex ASAP. So, initiate a position that will help delay his orgasm, such as side-by-side or woman-on-top, where you’ll have the greatest degree of control over his depth and pace.

In either of these positions, prolong the moment when he first enters you by taking his penis and stroking your clitoris and vaginal opening with it, suggests Kerner. This contact with your hot spots will feel amazing and super-charge your longing for him to be inside you. Once you’re writhing with anticipation, let him enter you, slowly going deeper and deeper—the torturous anticipation will make the moment when he’s in all the more exhilarating.

When you’re having side-by-side sex, he won’t be able to thrust quickly, so just enjoy the rocking back-and-forth motion. Since you’ll be pressed together extremely closely, his pubic bone will rub against your clitoris, providing an almost unbearably fantastic sensation for you.

If you’re on top, set the tempo (and ensure maximum clitoral stimulation) by moving your hips slowly up and down. Then, pause for a few seconds whenever either of you is approaching the brink.
When you know you absolutely can’t hold back any longer, steadily increase the speed and intensity of your movements until you reach orgasm. Whether you climax simultaneously or at different times, you’ll each feel it reverberate throughout your entire body. See, good things really do come to those who wait.

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