1. Food is a big deal.
Deciding between Italian and Mexican for dinner is not terribly far from sitting in the Oval Office with the secretary of defense and the Cabinet and deciding whether or not to invade a country. Don't rush me.
2. If I get mad, you'll really have to bend over backwards to make it better or else the whole night will be ruined.
It's not that I'm holding a grudge, I just don't have the attention span of a tree stump like you do. And don't try to make me laugh. I'll just get angrier. Thanks.
3. If you clean up, correctly, without me asking you to, I will come to bed tonight wearing something other than my retainers and oversized Star Wars T-shirt.
You washed the dishes? By YOURSELF?!
4. Do not discuss your ex unless I explicitly ask you.
Do not tell me, "Yeah, because that one time Christina and I were at..." because I do not
5. I do not always dress for you.
Yeah, this sequin jumpsuit? Not for you so much. More for women.
6. Just because I like wedding stuff doesn't mean I want to get married.
I'm just methodically deleting shots of tea lights in mason jars from my engaged friend's wedding Pinterest board because mason jars are over. Calm down.
7. Ponytails and braids are two different things.
8. Mascara and eyeliner are two different things.
9. Yes, I give my friends TMI about our relationship—but it actually benefits our health as a couple in the long run.
They're sounding boards who help me talk through stuff (and avoid yelling at you).
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.