Ever wondered how many people the men in your life have slept with? It’s something we’ve thought about but don’t ask outright—more so if the man in question is your boyfriend, in which case the fear that he was sticking the D in every hole in sight before you locked him down is very real.
We asked eight men the questions we’re iffy to ask our boyfriends, brothers, and boisterous male kabarkadas—from what their count is to whether or not they’ve lied about it—to give you ladies insight on how men see these secret markers of sexual history.
Meet the men:
Chris: 30, single, has slept with 1 woman
Andrew*: 25, in a relationship, has slept with 2 women
Jules: 25, in a relationship, has slept with 9 women
Brodie*: 29, in a relationship, has slept with 10 women
Paolo: 32, in a relationship, has slept with 20-30 women
Daniel: 30, single, has slept with 30-40 women
Julio: 33, in a relationship, has slept with 35-40 women
Joe*: 32, single, has slept with 70-80 women
The men we talked to peg the average number for Filipino men from around five to over 15.
Chris estimates it’s about four to five for men who are “not into sleeping around and don’t view sex as a gauge of who they are or of their masculinity.” “That’s just me, because I think that way; having sex isn’t part of what defines me,” he explains. “I don’t know what it’s really like for men who have a lot of fun in that regard.”
Daniel and Brodie go with five as the average, too. “Filipinas are choosy as fuck,” Brodie explains. “Because of this, mas malaki ang chance na mag-fail ang attempts of Filipino men to sleep with a lady.”
Paolo concurs, going with two to six as the average for Filipino men. He says, “Filipino or not, I think a lot of factors play into this: age, income, looks, personal beliefs, etc. In general, however, I would be inclined to say Filipinos are more conservative than, say, their American or European counterparts, with the main difference being deep-rooted religious beliefs and a strong sense of respect for family, with thoughts like ‘what if the person you were trying to get with were your sister?’ getting in the way.”
The other half of the guys consider today’s dating landscape in pegging the average at around 10 to 15, with Jules pegging it the highest at 15 or greater.
Julio, who goes with 10 as the average Pinoy’s number, says, “Technology has made it easier for newer generations to be promiscuous.”
Says Andrew, “Nowadays, I think the acceptable number of partners for men is about 10 to 15. And by acceptable, I mean that is what other men expect from other men. I don’t really subscribe to the idea, but for men, the number is really a trophy.”
Joe, who has the highest count among our respondents, also gives 10 as the average for Pinoy men “because we are horny and will always avail of sex every chance we get.”
Some of them have lied about their number, the others have not.
Chris recounts, “When I was still a virgin, I would admit I still had my V-card, but nobody would believe me, and then I’d get chided for being a 28-year-old guy who still hadn’t had sex.”
Andrew says that he hasn’t lied about his number, and that he doesn’t mind sharing it “simply because I am so happy with my relationship now.” “I’ve been with my current girlfriend for 12 years now,” he continues. “And we’ve been really happy together ever since.”
Brodie admits to fibbing about his number to avoid the man-slut label. “I’ve given the number four to girls I was seeing so I’d appear as if I had enough experience, but without being slutty,” he reveals.
Julio, who also cites judgement from others as a factor that makes him hold back on revealing his number, admits to lowering it down to five to 10 when asked. “It was always a range, as most guys really lose count,” he says.
While Joe is not ashamed of his high digits, he says he has given a girl a number below 10 when asked “just to improve my odds of getting her in the sack.”
Paolo is pretty chill about sharing his number, too, but admits, “I once downplayed my number or said ‘I’m not sure’ when I was with a friend—only because I didn’t want to appear as if I were bragging!”
It’s refreshing to know that men aren’t scrambling to beat each other in the number game.
Most of the men say that they don’t really care what other men’s numbers are—a welcome revelation, seeing as it’s a common view that men are on a race to up their numbers to assert their masculinity.
“I’m totally fine with people’s number being higher or lower than mine,” Jules says. “This isn’t a competition, after all.”
Chris, who has the lowest number among the guys, says that he doesn’t judge men for their numbers either—”except if it’s really, really high, because I get shocked [with] how they can find so much time to have sex with multiple people.” But he clarifies that his reaction is more surprise than judgment.
Andrew, who’s also at the lower end of the spectrum, says, “I won’t lie; I am intrigued and curious about what it’s like to have a higher number. And what I think about these men really depends on their personality. If I know the guy gets a +1 to his number from girlfriends, I respect that. But it’s the other way around if he pays for sex.”
For Paolo, ultimately, a man’s number is “whatever floats his boat.” “I know folks who are relentless in the pursuit of higher numbers, and I know guys who have been with the same person for as long as I can remember,” he says.
Daniel, who’s looking to change his lothario ways, says that he doesn’t compare digits because “it’s nothing to be proud of.” “I admire men who can wait ‘til they’re married,” he shares. “That’s being a man of honor.”
Good news, ladies: Men are not that bothered by whether your number is high or low—and whether it’s higher or lower than his.
For Jules, numbers shouldn’t matter because we’ve all had our fun. “High or low, I’m cool, as long as I get to end the streak,” he says.
Both Chris and Daniel say that whether or not a girl practices safe sex matters more to them than how many people she slept with.
Joe is more concerned about who else a girl is sleeping with than her number. For instance, if she’s also seeing his friends and other men he doesn’t want to mess with, he’ll pass.
Andrew would rather zero in on a woman’s personality than on her number when deciding whether or not to sleep with her. He explains: “If she’s the type that just uses sex to get her way, or just for the absolute thrill of sleeping with random men, then I’d probably pass. But if she’s the relationship type, then sure. Simply because I’m the relationship type as well. “
Brodie digs women no matter what their numbers are. “I think women with higher numbers have cool stories to tell and women with lower numbers have cool stories as well,” he says. “I guess it only affects me depending on the situation: Kunwari kung hookup lang, okay ‘yung high number; kung seryosohan, mas okay ‘yung low. Basta walang STDs, G ako!”
Paolo seconds the thought. He explains, “Women’s numbers are their personal decisions and, in one way or another, these just add to their own personal stories. I am attracted to both types—on one hand, you have the fiery woman who knows what she wants and doesn’t care about taking it, and on the other hand, there is a certain allure to a reserved woman who wants to ‘take it slow’ and wait until the ‘right time.’ Both are really sexy, if you ask me.”
While none of the men are jumping to exchange digits with a girl they’re dating, most of them wouldn’t shy away from the question once it comes up.
Says Chris, “I don’t mind volunteering the information eventually. It’s part of understanding the other person and getting to know what makes her who she is.”
Andrew says he wouldn’t ask for a girl’s number right away, but instead would look at her performance in the sack and her relationship history as indicators.
“If it were important for my significant other to have a discussion about it, then I’d gladly open up and be understanding of her past as well,” Paolo says. “But I’d try not to go into details. Past is past, as we’ve all heard before.”
Julio reveals that there was some initial shock on his girlfriend’s part when they exchanged numbers, but they’re fine with it now. “I’d rather be honest about my past in a serious relationship,” he says. “You can’t do anything about each other’s number anyway, so why fuss over it?”
Only Brodie wasn’t keen on trading such info. “Ignorance is bliss,” he says.
For some of the guys, their numbers have had a negative effect on their relationships.
Daniel shares how his high number put a strain on sex with his ex-fiancée. “She was a virgin before we dated,” he reveals. “It took three years before we slept together, because I respected and honored the fact that she was a virgin. But she was insecure about it, and it affected her performance. She was trying so hard to satisfy me but was still afraid and had some reservations.”
Joe shares his own dating disaster brought on by his high digits: “After an ex found out what my number was, she asked me to wait until we got married before we slept together. We ended up doing it after a couple of weeks, then she dumped me afterwards because we didn’t wait.”
Even Chris, who has had only one sexual partner, has not been spared. “I think when I was a virgin, a lot of girls liked that, and even now when I tell them how I’m only at one, they think it’s cute how I feel so embarrassed about having a low number,” he admits. “But I’ve dated women who criticized me for not being man enough, for not having slept around more. Once they say anything of the sort, I normally will be turned off and won’t go out on another date with them.”
Almost all of the men agree: There’s nothing sweeter than sex with one woman you love over a ton of women you just thirst for.
Chris explains it by saying, “Taking off your clothes and showing your body to another person is easy, but baring your soul and being completely yourself with someone physically, emotionally, and intellectually is the biggest turn-on you could ever ask for.”
Julio also goes with sex with just one partner—at this stage in his life. “I’d have probably given a different answer a few years back,” he says. “You get tired of the games, I guess.”
Paolo shares his own take: “It just depends on how happy and content you are with your partner, and what you both agree upon. You do have to respect whatever that decision is, once you both agree to it to make the relationship successful. I’m lucky enough to be in a relationship where we agree we’re monogamous, but also occasionally have fun together with a ‘third.’”
Only Joe is on the fence, saying he “likes sex either way.”
Interestingly, the men in the lower ranges seem more content with their digits than those in the higher ranges.
“I would be lying if I said that I was never tempted or that I never looked at other women,” Andrew admits. “But I really believe that it takes great character to stand by what you believe in. And sex for me is really intertwined with being in a solid relationship. Since I am in a very happy one now, there’s no reason for me to fuck around.”
The also happily coupled-up Jules echoes the sentiment, saying, “I’m putting a period on my number right now!”
Hints of the patriarchal view that men should rack up the bedpost notches is apparent in Brodie’s attitude towards his number, but he says, “Okay na ako sa 10. Umabot ako ng double digits!”
It’s a different picture for the men in the higher ranges.
Julio has no problem with his count, but if given the chance to redo things, he’d “probably opt for a lower number.”
A regretful Daniel says, “I wish I didn’t go beyond what I could bear. I wish I were still a virgin so I could honor my future wife on our wedding night. I’m not proud of my number, but I can say that experience will always be the greatest teacher.”
Maybe it takes a really high tally to stop caring about numbers altogether. Says our resident Casanova, Joe, “I stopped counting a few years back so I’m neither happy nor sad about my number.”
*Names have been changed.