For a lot of people, 69 is more like sixty-nein. That’s because it requires the stark severity of the Germanic language to communicate their displeasure. It’s a polarizing position. Some people love it, and some people can’t even understand why a couple would put themselves through it. So while plenty of guys might entertain idea of a good, old-fashioned (?) 69, there’s also plenty to hate about it.
1. There’s a butt hole in his face.
If he’s a butt hole aficionado, this is a huge plus. Few sex positions put the butt hole as prominently in his line of sight as 69. Of course, if he doesn’t find the place where your poop comes out sexy, this is…problematic. A lot of this also hinges on one's personal hygiene.
2. His view is obstructed.
Again, he might love the view he’s getting as(s) is, but it also means he can’t see the rest of you—or just as importantly, what you’re doing to him. If he likes to watch you go down on him, he could be upset that instead he has to picture it in his mind’s eye (while he’s looking at an entirely different eye altogether).
3. You've got his head in a scissor-lock.
69ing can sometimes feel like it's got more in common with skin-diving than it does oral. Something about the angle of performing oral from upside-down makes his head that much more vulnerable. You've got him locked in there tight and he better make sure he takes a deep breath beforehand because he might not get to come back up for air for a while.
4. You can easily take a knee to the face.
With both of your eyes obscured by genitals and butts, it's easy to forget where you are and hit someone with an errant elbow or foot. It can get dangerous out there.
5. He really has to clench.
Hopefully, he's not the gassy type. But if he is, he can't exactly get away with sneaking one out during 69. You can figure out why for yourself.
6. All this jaw work means no making out.
If you're doing your jobs right, by the time you move past the foreplay, your mouths and tongue might be sitting this one out.
7. It’s tough to focus.
Unlike your typical oral sex, you’re giving and receiving. It’s great to be engaging your mouth and your genitals, but you’re also distracted. Can you really give your partner your all while also receiving stimulation? To put it another way: Can you set a personal record in the 100 meter dash while getting a blow job at the same time? No way. Just think of the logistics alone. You’re essentially towing another human being 100 meters while they’re sucking on your dick. There’s just no way that’s going to be your best time.
8. Your partner could just stop entirely.
Even if you’re all “Eye of the Tiger” and laser-focused on pleasuring your partner, it’s likely that they’ll stop and take a break to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Now all the sudden it’s less 69 and more face-sitting, and that wasn’t the deal.
9. There’s no adequate warning system in place.
If he realizes he’s suddenly about to erupt, the only thing he can do is let out a futile scream of “I’m about to come!” into your vagina and you likely won’t hear it (FUN FACT: The ear canal and the birth canal are not connected, despite both being canals in the body).
10. Literally no one is excited to 69.
Just think: Has anyone, ever, in the history of sex been totally enthusiastic and thrilled when their partner suggested they 69? This is a position that one of you begrudgingly agrees to at best, because they have no solid grounds to reject it outright. If this is a position you both embrace for more than four half-hearted moments as foreplay, then you deserve a gold medal in sexing.
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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.