Many people enjoy anal pleasure during solo and shared play, regardless of their gender or sexual orientation. This is because it’s an area of our bodies packed with nerve endings and highly receptive to touch.
Anal stimulation has the potential to feel great for anyone with a butthole but for people with a prostate, anal exploration can be especially pleasurable. The prostate (sometimes called the P-spot) is a gland within the male sexual organs. It’s a hubbub of nerve endings which, when stimulated, can provide intense pleasure and even orgasm.
Much like the G-spot in people who have vulvas, the P-spot can be a little tricky to find, but once you do, the benefits are out of this world. There are two main ways to stimulate the prostate: direct and indirect.
Indirect methods include perineum pressure and anal penetration. The only direct method is via urethral sounding (inserting a special toy called a sounding rod into the penis). A urethral dilator like the vibrating toy below is designed to stimulate the sensitive nerve endings inside the penis.
For first time bum fingering, just concentrate on giving your partner pleasure, rather than seeking out the P-spot. Anal play without stimulating the prostate is still super-arousing and pleasurable. The P-spot is simply the cherry (or walnut) on top.
But, before you go delving into anal play, communication is vital. You should both be comfortable (and hopefully excited) about what you’re about to explore.
Preparation for the giver:
If you’re the one planning to do the fingering, there are some things you’ll need to do in preparation. The simple, but most important ones are to make sure your nails are trimmed and you’re not wearing any jewelery, like rings. This is not just for your benefit (no one wants to lose a family heirloom up their partner’s bottom) but for theirs too.
The anus needs a little more care than fingering a vagina. This is because, although it’s perfectly safe to explore anal play, the lining of the anus is more delicate and susceptible to injury. Trimming nails and removing jewellery reduces the risk of internal scratches.
Also, check your fingers over to make sure you don’t have any scratches or cuts, yourself. Even with proper prep, all sex involves a transfer of bacteria, and this is even more likely with anal play. Trust me, you really don’t want to get anything nasty in an open wound.
Some people also like to create a barrier between their finger and their partner’s anus by using a condom or a small latex sheath called a "finger cot." It is by no means necessary to do this, but it can be beneficial for a few reasons.
Firstly, if the giver does have a cut on their hand, this is a great way of protecting it from any nasties. Secondly, you’re going to need a long-lasting lube for this sort of play as the anus doesn’t self-lubricate like a vagina. The best lubricant to use is a thick water-based anal lube, but this can begin to absorb into your skin (as well as theirs) as you play, which leads to needing to stop to apply more lube.
Wearing a latex condom or a finger cot over your finger provides a non-porous layer for the lube to sit on. Less absorption = longer-lasting slip = better anal pleasure.
And finally, while the risk of mess with this sort of play is extremely low (particularly if you follow the receiver prep advice below) it’s understandable that people can be nervous the first few times they explore anal fun. Wearing a finger cot can help ease both the mind of the giver and the receiver, and enable you to both enjoy the experience more.
Preparation for the receiver:
First and foremost, the receiver should have ideally emptied their bowels that day to ensure poop-free play. The good news is, stimulating the prostate doesn’t involve deep penetration and thanks to the way our bodies work, waste is only stored in this area of your bowels right before evacuation. Thanks biology! This means, as long as your partner has had a normal bowel movement that day, there’s no reason you should encounter any “friends” when you explore.
If your partner is concerned about this, they can use an anal douche for extra peace of mind. Just be sure to follow standard anal douching instructions, and do it plenty of time before you go p-spot searching to avoid remnant water being released during play.
Regardless of whether you or your partner decide douching is right for you, it’s important to have a thorough external clean in this area before you get down to it. This can be done in the bath or shower and I recommend giving the area a good clean externally. You can even poke a finger inside to check that your inner-rim is sparkling clean, too. Not only will this prep ensure play is clean, but it’ll also offer a little more of that peace of mind to help you get the most out of pooper poking.
Your partner may also like to shave the area prior to play as that can make it more sensitive to touch. This is particularly beneficial for the warm up. So, they’ve pooped, cleaned and possibly shaved. Now what? Well, now is a good idea to take a toilet break (for a number one this time).
For a lot of people, prostate stimulation brings about a sensation which feels like they need to pee. Don’t worry, they won’t, but the feeling can be a little strange, particularly until he gets used to it. Taking a pee-break prior to play can help them get in the zone, and give them the peace of mind that they won’t wet themselves.
Assume the position.
The position you play in should be comfortable for both the receiver and the giver to hold. It should also offer easy access to the anus and preferably a couple of other erogenous zones. Many people who enjoy prostate stimulation find that it’s most pleasurable when combined with nipple or penis stimulation.
Popular positions include the receiver lying on their back with legs apart or on their stomach with a pillow under their hips, or on all fours. Feel free to experiment to find which works best for you both.
With lube applied, awaken the external nerve endings in this area and get it ready for penetration by stroking externally to begin with. You can do this with your fingers, tongue or an anal-safe vibrator.
Some shallow insertion will also help to relax their anal muscles and make penetration easier. Spend time stimulating the area until your partner is practically begging you to delve deeper.
When it comes to penetration, start small. Always start with just one finger and, if your partner likes a bit of girth, then build up one finger at a time. Having said that, for P-spot fun you’ll probably only need one or maybe two fingers at most.
Finding the P-spot.
When it comes to trying to locate the prostate, you’ll need to know what you’re looking for. A lot of people describe the prostate as feeling a bit like a walnut. It’s a raised, firm area which is more textured than the surrounding tissue. Much like the g-spot, the p-spot is located internally on the front wall. You’ll need to insert your finger about an inch inside and keep contact with the front wall until you come across a section which feels like said walnut.
It’s handy if your partner can communicate with you as you do this, and let you know if an area feels particularly pleasurable, or brings about that feeling that they might pee. Although it’ll feel a little odd for them, this is a good sign that you’re in the right area.
When you’ve found the prostate, use your fingertip(s) (not nails) to stroke the area. Again, a lot like the G-spot, the P-spot responds well to “come-hither” strokes. Experiment with different pressure and strokes to work out what feels best for your partner.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com/uk. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.