Does Dirty Talk Make You Feel Cringe? Here's How To Improve Your Game, According To A Relationship Expert

So, you want to talk dirty. Or at least…you think you do. Because when you're in the heat of the moment and everything just feels right, the idea of whispering something bold to their ear sounds so hot. But then your brain short-circuits, your mouth goes dry, and you end up mumbling something like, "Uhh...you like that?" in the exact same tone you use when asking your dog if he wants a treat. Oof. 🥲

If you've ever tried to talk dirty and immediately wanted the ground to just swallow you whole—same. But the good news is: you can absolutely get better at it, and it doesn't have to sound forced, scripted, or porn-y! We asked Sanaiyah Gurnamal, a relationship reinvention coach, how to ease into sexy talk without the cringe, and trust us: you're going to want to save this.

"In Filipino culture—much like many Asian cultures—sex is often wrapped in shame," Sanaiyah explains. "Religious and cultural influences have made it a taboo subject, something we don’t talk about openly or comfortably. Think about it: most of us weren't even taught the correct terms for our body parts growing up."

Yup. If you've ever felt like even saying something sexual out loud is embarrassing or wrong, you're not alone—and you're not weird! You've just been conditioned to stay quiet. "There's also the pressure of traditional gender roles," the expert adds. "Women especially may feel judged or labeled if they're vocal about their desires."

So, let's clear this up right now: talking dirty doesn't make you "too much" or "too sexual." It makes you someone who knows what they want—and that is hotter than anything!

If the thought of talking dirty makes your soul want to leave your body (same), don't worry. You don't have to go all-in from the get-go—just start with the basics! According to Sanaiyah, a good place to start would be to tell your partner where or how you want to be touched. "Dirty talk doesn't have to sound 'dirty'—it's just about getting comfortable expressing what feels good and what you want more of. Start slow and sensual. Speak in your own voice," she recommends. "It's not a performance—it's communication with a sexy twist."

Here's a handy cheat sheet from Sanaiyah on some lines you can utilize for your next spicy sesh:

According to her, you can just start with "I want..." It's simple, direct, and the most low-pressure way to go. Try these lines:

Also, let's be honest here, sometimes, we just can't help the odd giggle escaping our lips during sexy time, LOL. No need to feel awkward about it—Sanaiyah says you can just laugh it off. In fact, she reminds, "Laughter during sex can be one of the most intimate and bonding experiences you can share. It means you’re comfortable with each other, and that’s way sexier than any scripted line."

P.S. Just in case it needs any reminding, consent is still key whenever you want to try something new in the bedroom—like dirty talk. Bring it up in a conversation with your partner beforehand and say that it's something you'd like to try doing.

Sanaiyah also recommends easing into it and reading their energy and body language. "Start small and subtle. If it feels good for both of you, keep going," she adds. "You can also bring it up during the post-sex cuddle sesh, in that cozy, connected moment. Ask, 'Did you like that?' or 'What turns you on to hear?' These little check-ins can lead to big breakthroughs—and they keep things safe and sexy at the same time."

"Pay attention to what feels real. The goal is never to sound like someone else—it's to sound like the most confident version of you," Sanaiyah recommends.

If you think talking dirty is just a way to turn your partner on, guess what? It's actually a major intimacy builder between the two of you. "Talking dirty is about more than just sex—it's about vulnerability and emotional intimacy," the expert notes. 

She adds: "When you feel safe to express your desires, it opens up communication in every part of the relationship. Studies even show that couples who engage in sexual communication report greater satisfaction and emotional closeness. It builds trust, boosts confidence, and helps you feel truly seen and heard."

"Don't overthink it. Don't script it. And definitely don't judge yourself," she reminds. "Just stay present, speak from the heart (and body), and let it be playful. The more fun you have with it, the more confident you'll become! Remember: your pleasure, your rules."