Initiating sex is an important part of any relationship where sex means a lot to you both. It shouldn't always fall on one partner to be the one to initiate, because being wanted feels nice, right? But also, initiating sex can feel like a tricky thing to navigate—so much potential misunderstanding and maybe even rejection.
If you communicate well with your partner, this shouldn't happen (or at least if they're not in the mood, you'll know it's because they don't feel like it, not because there's anything wrong with you). But, it's not just verbal cues/asking outright that sets couples off. Here's how IRL women initiate sex with their partners.
- "If I want to be more subtle, for whatever reason, I will go to bed wearing only my short nightgown with no undies. My husband will invariably run his hand up my leg, discover the lack of underwear, and events will progress from there." [via]
- "Kissing, fondling, groping, usually followed by, 'Wanna get naked with me?'" [via]
- "It's usually when we are in bed about to sleep. I'll just start by rubbing his chest and stomach, and then maybe lean over and kiss his neck. I just pay attention to his reactions and then start sliding my hand down lower and lower..." [via]
- "Kisses, playfulness, and sometimes just, 'Hey, you want a quickie?'" [via]
- "It depends. It's not exactly difficult with him though. I'll walk by him and exaggerate my hip movements. I'll cuddle up against him. I'll rub his shoulders. I'll rub his thigh. I'll nuzzle my face next to his face and neck. I'll put on a different outfit. I will climb on his lap. If we are in bed, I'll rub my butt on him." [via]
- "I get naked. Or if we are cuddling, 98 percent of the time, it will lead to sex." [via]
- "Ask if he wants to take a shower together, start kissing him on his stomach while cuddling, stroke him on his V when he's doing the dishes, caress his lower back while cuddling, straight up ask him, touch the D, stroke his inner thighs, etc." [via]
- "Kisses on his neck during an intimate hug, and whispering in his ear, 'I want you...' tends to do the trick." [via]
- "I say, 'Hey, take off your pants.'" [via]
- "I'm pretty physical anyway, so when I'm initiating sex, I'm generally not subtle. A kiss on the back of his neck while I grab his hips and/or run my hands all over him. Sometimes I just crawl into his lap and kiss him. I've even been known to ask directly. 'Ready to head out?' 'Yep.' 'Want to have sex first?' 'Yep.'
Yes, there are plenty of times I'm a bit more romantic, and we'll cuddle our way into sex, but I like sex. So does he. It's an activity we both enjoy, so neither of us really gets hung up on who or how it gets initiated." [via]
- "I just jump on him and drag him to bed. He responds well to that. Or we escalate from cuddling, to making out, to bed." [via]
- "I ask him... 'Mi amor, are you in the mood?'" [via]
- "I tickle him." [via]
- "I don't have to, really. Just my being there tends to make him want to. Otherwise, a kiss, or being direct and asking him to go to the bedroom." [via]
- "'WOMAN! Let us initiate sexual congress!' We're hellishly immature about sex, it's great." [via]
- "I usually just have to kiss him, to be honest. Never seen a guy getting in the mood as fast/easy as him." [via]
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com/uk. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.