Not gonna lie, "orgasm denial" sound like two pretty scary words. But really, it's just a fancy and roundabout way of saying "intense, built-up orgasms that feel incredible." Also known by some people as "edging," it is, essentially, being brought to the point of climax before stopping, and building it back up again. You can do it yourself during masturbation, or get your partner to control your pleasure.
Colin Richards, a relationship and sex mentor who is committed to teaching people how to achieve sensual intimacy, better communication, and erotic fulfillment, explains there are six very important (and awesome) things you need to know about female orgasm denial.
What it is
The act of taking a woman to near orgasm over and over again, and it is nowhere near as scary as it sounds. Oh, and by the time you finally get that release, it feels uh-mazing.
How it works
The female sexual response cycle is made up of four stages: excitement, plateau, orgasm, resolution. In the excitement stage, a woman's muscle tension increases, her heart rate quickens, and her breathing is accelerated. Nipples become erect and blood flow to the genitals increases as vaginal lubrication begins.
Orgasm denial usually starts in the excitement stage, with some form of light restraint (we're talking cuffs or a soft rope) causing you to feel beholden to the administrator's techniques while feeling your arousal develop.
How to start
When you reach the plateau stage, the fun can begin. Your vagina will be fully lubricated and your clitoris hypersensitive. You'll naturally feel less need to control yourself as the oxytocin floods your body.
The plateau stage will now be in your partner's control. It can be intensified by the use of a vibrator, taking you right to the edge of orgasm but never quite allowing you the release. You'll probably feel a confused mix of anticipation, excitement, fear, and pleasure (in the best way).
Pain and pleasure
Did you know that love, sex, pain, and violence all have the potential to stimulate the release of similar chemicals and hormones in the body? When you are aroused and prepared, stress and pain can stimulate the serotonin and melatonin production in the brain, which transforms what could otherwise be painful experiences into pleasurable ones.
This could be harder sex, a smack on the bum, or more intense BDSM techniques, and of course, communication before, during and after is key. Combined with the oxytocin caused by the sexual stimulation, the release of epinephrine and norepinephrine in pain can also cause a pleasurable "rush." This means some women experience a double high.
Why it can feel great
Without the uniform or environment of traditional BDSM (whips, canes, the usual), female orgasm denial uses a similar dynamic but in a much less daunting way. Many women who enjoy it are into "vanilla sex" but just love the added ingredient of having their pleasure controlled. And obviously, it builds up your orgasm so that when you finally do get it, it is more intense than you could imagine.
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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com/uk. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.