Pets are great. They enrich our lives, provide endless companionship, and disrupt our daily routines. It's no truer than when you're trying to get it on, and your dog or cat walks into the room like nothing is even happening. At least with kids, they have the decency to run screaming from the room when they walk in on you accidentally. Here, 12 people open up about getting c*ckblocked by their pets during sex.
“Something you need to know about me is that I have a very real and very intense fear of home invasions. I can watch horror movies, but home invasion movies scare the shit out of me. My boyfriend and I had just watched the first Purge movie. I was on edge but not so much that we didn’t start getting hot and heavy in my bedroom afterward. All of a sudden we hear this insane smash, glass breaking and what sounded like someone running around downstairs. Of course, I immediately start having a panic attack with my boyfriend still on top of me. He’s trying to call me down and tell me not to worry, but he still tells me to lock the door and creeps downstairs to see what’s going on. I hear him down in the kitchen going, ‘oh fuck’ and I’m petrified at this point. Turns out, my cat had knocked a bunch of things off the counter that were waiting to go into the dishwasher, including a glass bowl. Needless to say, that ruined sex for the night.” — Cassie, 28
“For some reason, anytime I have sex, my dog tries to crawl under the door. It’s very aggressive and if you let him in he just wants to jump on the bed.” — Matt, 27
“I brought a Tinder date home and my cat jumped on her. I hadn’t mentioned I had a cat (which was stupid of me) and she was pretty allergic. She wound up having to go home.” — Jeff, 28
- “I’ve had our dog run up out of the darkness late at night and pounce on me. It’s funny more than anything, but it’s really tough for us to get back in the mood after.” — Chris, 27
“My cat will creep in and quietly settle on my dresser and just stare. It’s such an intense stare. It’s ruined more than one sexual adventure for me. I love that cat, but he’s a weirdo.” — Nick, 28
- “Well, not sex, but my cat has jumped on top of my keyboard more than once when I’m looking at porn.” — Brian, 28
“Our dog always NEEDS to go for a walk right when my fiancé and I start fooling around. It’s like the pet equivalent of a baby waking up right when you’re getting down to business.” — Allison, 28
- “We have a big German Sheperd that we got when we first moved in together. He’s very protective of the both of us, but he likes to sleep wedged right in between us in bed. It makes spooning impossible. We basically don’t have sex in our own bed anymore.” — Jen, 27
“I have a cockatiel, and one time it got out of the cage and started flying around and squawking while I was hooking up with my then-boyfriend. It wound up sh*tting everywhere, including on him.” — Stephanie, 29
“We live out in the country, and our bedroom is on the first floor. We have a very independent cat. He leaves all day or sometimes overnight and just comes in and out as he pleases. One night, as my husband and I were happening to be fooling around, the cat killed a rabbit that definitely sounded close to our bedroom window. If you’ve never heard a rabbit dying, it sounds awful. It’s chilling. We thought a kid got murdered outside our window. We figured out what happened pretty fast, but that was terrible. Definite mood-killer.” — Hanna, 28
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.