For the sake of this list, a quickie occurs under some kind of time crunch, with the idea being that you’re rushing through sex because you have somewhere to be or something to do soon. Otherwise, it’s just “fast sex” or “hurry it up sex,” which isn’t really in the spirit of what we're going for here. Here's what he won't tell you about it:
The pressure from the clock is making it harder for him to finish.It’s like being in a public restroom and knowing someone is right outside the door waiting for you. Or having your boss swing by and silently watch you while you work. Some people just don’t perform well under that kind of pressure.
He’s pulling out all the mental stops.He knows he needs to wrap things up fast, so he’s reaching into his memory bank and thinking of the crazy sex you’ve had in the past. It’s like in Watchmen how Dr. Manhattan can exist across time and space, except he’s just thinking about a bunch of boning stuff at once. So really, it’s nothing like that.
Part of him feels guilty.A quickie can feel selfish if you don’t get off, too. And, just to go by the numbers, you're less likely to finish in this kind of scenario, since many (but not all!) women need extended foreplay to orgasm.
This reminds him of the sprints in gym class.If sex is typically a marathon, this feels like the 100 meters. And like a 100 meter dash that doesn’t end at the finish, it sucks when he gives it his all, and then it turns out he needs to keep going to get over the line.
He keeps looking at the clock.
You’re supposed to meet your friends for dinner in 10 minutes and it takes 15 minutes to get there. Hope they buy the whole “traffic” excuse.Continue reading below ↓
But being late is worth it.Because it’s sex. Although there’s definitely diminishing returns, here. If you’re three hours late, that’s not very worth it.
Half the time, cleaning up takes longer with a quickie.You need to change clothes, shower (or at least wash your junk), change the bedsheets… it doesn’t make it very quick.
Now he’s all sweaty.If you don’t have time for a shower post-sex, and you’re going out, people are just going to assume those stairs leading into the restaurant got the best of him.
He’s not sure when it stops being a quickie, honestly.
If this goes on for too long, it stops being a quickie and starts being “sex that makes you late for things.”
**for what it’s worth, anything over 15 minutes seems like a reasonable cutoff.
He’s almost tripped over his own pants eight times.It’s not uncommon for quickies to start with a very unceremoniously ripping off of clothes. Those clothes might not even make it completely off the body. Which means he might find himself awkwardly going at it doggy style with his pants around his ankles.
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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.