Whatcha got going on this Valentine's Day? Whatever you relationship status—or lack thereof, thankyouverymuch endless effing pandemic—you're going to be doing something, even if it's having a particularly stellar bang with yourself.
Yes, Valentine's Day can be corporate and points out quite noticeably when you're not with anyone... BUT it's also an excellent chance to access what you do have and really appreciate it. Use the holiday as a chance to really focus on sex to make it special, different, romantic, super kinky or maybe spiritual-ish, like a slowed down mindful experience where you're just super focused on how everything feels.
Whether it’s sex with your long-term boo, a FWB, a long-distance partner, your own damn hand or some random hookup (because you've clearly moved to New Zealand where the female leadership already figured this @#$# out) think of what’s good about what you’ve got and celebrate it, hard.
To make it extra special for 2021, because WE NEED THIS, here are some cheap (but not cheapo) gifts for your partner, some fine-ass lingerie, or (this is the right choice) all the sex toys! If you're looking to get in the mood, mix up some fancy Valentine's cocktails, and settle in with some of these insanely romantic movies or a sexy romance novel. (And if Valentine's Day tends to be a danger zone for you, maybe have a look at 12 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Text Your Ex This Valentine's Day. So. Much. Wisdom.)
Oh and Happy Valentine's Day. You are the best. Really.
If you need to spice it up with yourself:
Self-Love: A Lube Story
Step 1: Apply a stimulating gel or oil to your vulva. (If you use one with CBD, rub it in for like 10 minutes so it can take effect—plus 10 minutes of rubbing it in. YAY.)
Step 2: Womanizer clit vibe, for the wee little clit BJ you never knew you needed.
Step 3: Slide a glass dildo or g-spot vibrator against the top wall of your vagina.
Step 4: Await the best orgasm of your life.
If you are sooo in love:
Two Hearts Beat As One
Face each other and wrap your legs around each other. You can do it with penetration (a double-headed dildo works too) or just rub lubey hands on each other's junk. Rock each other gently and gaze into each other's eyes. Don't even say anything, just watch.
If you can't actually be in the same room because of the PANDEMIC:
The Valentine's Present
If Facetime/Skype sex is all that can happen, offer yourself as their personal plaything. Put on something sexy, surround yourself with a few toys and tell your partner that you will do their bidding. Will they have you strip? Play with yourself? Touch themselves and not allow you to do the same? Dunno. Kinda kinky though.
If you’re going for something intimate and romantic:
The Feeling’s Mutual
No matter where you are in your relationship, mutual masturbation is a surprisingly good way to reconnect as a couple. Kneel facing each other, sitting back on your heels if it’s more comfortable. Go slowly and watch each other’s faces as you go up to and through orgasm—touching each other, too, if the feeling strikes.
Masturbating in front of your partner is super sexy but also incredibly intimate and personal. Light a candle or two to make it feel like some sex magic is happening.
If you wanna keep it casual:
You: Lie back on pillows with your toy powered up between your legs. Them: Straddle you with their genitals in easy reach of your mouth. Fire up your toy (hand them the remote...or don’t) and it will attend to you while you attend to your partner orally.
Afterward, chill with Netflix and takeout because you’re keeping it casual.
If y’all want to perv it up:
The Underhanded Approach
While your partner is on all fours, approach them from the rear (literally) with a very lube-y finger or dildo at the entrance to their bum. When they’re ready, they can move their hips back and forth onto the finger/toy, so they’re in control of how much they want to take in.
Get another handful of lube (a coconut-oil-based formula is safe with toys and vaginas and effective enough for anal) and cup their P/V to give them incredible dual stimulation.
If you're looking for something steamy:
The Semi-Sure Thing
Take matters into your own hands by ensuring your pleasure and bringing a toy into the mix.
Then, get on top of your partner while they sit on the bed, lean back against their thighs, and fire up that toy to full power as you ride them.
If it's semi-new:
The V-Day Celebration
Celebrate a different V this V-Day: your own...with or without your new bae. Direct all the attention between your legs by lying back on the bed with your legs spread open into a V shape.
Then, lube up your first two fingers and hold them in a V shape as you slide them along the sides of your vulva for next-level feels. Your partner can join in on the fun by entering you as you continue to stroke yourself. (Today has definitely been brought to you by the letter “v.”)
If you want to make it extra romantic:
The Yin and Yang
Get super close with a dose of intimate eye contact by having your partner sit on the edge of the bed, with you straddling their lap and drawing them in with one leg wrapped around their torso, the other on the ground for stability.
Hold each other’s gaze as you rock against each other with sweet, slow thrusts. Don’t even speak—just moan.
If you’ve just had a delicious meal:
The Dessert Course BJ
Yes, it is so Cosmo circa 1986, but eff it: Go ahead and pair desserts with penis. I can personally vouch for it.
Have your partner sit at the edge of the bed so you can keep some sweet supplies at hand on the floor. Drizzle chocolate syrup over the head of their penis, swirling your tongue around the head with slow, wide licks up the shaft to catch the drips. You can decorate it with whipped cream if you’re feeling it or dot some M&Ms up the shaft, nibbling them off as you go. Get as dirty and decadent as you want—sheets can be washed later.
If you want to kink things up...
Venus in Cuffs
Get your freak on with a little exploratory BSDM. Bend over and let your partner bind your wrists to a sturdy doorknob. Your partner can issue commands like “Spread your legs farther” or “Beg me to touch you.” (If they feel shy about being bossy—and it does feel kinda weird the first time—it’s way easier if you’re not looking at them.)
A little roughness (don’t forget to talk it out first and establish a safe word) coupled with soothing kisses will leave you panting. Oh, and no matter how turned on you get, you don’t get to have an orgasm till they tell you it’s okay.
If you’re in a long-distance relationship:
Invest in a Bluetooth-enabled remote-control sex toy so you can go to town on each other from afar. You can try something that your partner uses on you (We-Vibe Wand) or toys for both. Whisper a sexy story to them over the phone—no video makes it more intimate. You’ll be able to feel their moans in your body.
If you’ve been dating forever...
The Super Soaker
Light some candles, grab some champagne, and hop into a steamy bath to create your own little private world. Scrub each other down, taking great care with each part and appreciating what you love so much about their body.
Lean back on your partner’s chest, bliss out, and let them give you an orgasm with a sudsy hand or the spray from a detachable showerhead. While you recover, take your time and just appreciate the moment, Be Here Now and all that, before you switch places and return the favor.
If you’re single...
The Party in Your Pants
Put it on silent “discreet mode” (crucial!) and insert it into your vagina. It will press against your clitoris and internal hot spots every time you squeeze your PC muscles. This probably won’t be enough to put you over the edge while you’re going about your regular day (and who really wants to have an orgasm on the subway?), but you will barely be able to wait to get home and throw yourself on the bed, turn on its vibration mode, and oh...god...yes.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.