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Moira Dela Torre: 'I was very mean to myself, I always blamed myself for not being enough'

'I blamed myself for a lot. I blamed my parents for a lot.'
PHOTO: SHAIRA LUNA VIA INSTAGRAM/moirarachelle
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After the massive success of the "Paubaya" music video starring Julia Barretto and Joshua Garcia—and of course, the Patawad album—it seems like more and more people are discovering the magic of Moira Dela Torre's music. But not many people know that her songs reflect a lot of the pain and rejection she's experienced. In an interview with Toni Gonzaga for Toni Talks, the singer opened up about her mental health and emotional struggles. 

Toni Gonzaga interviews Moira Dela Torre for Toni Talks
INSTAGRAM/moirarachelle
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At 16, Moira lived with close friend Sam Milby temporarily. "My depression was really bad so he didn't want me to be alone." When asked about which painful experience shaped her the most, Moira replied, "I think, being in a broken family...having been in a broken family. 'Cause my mom and my dad separated when I was four [years old]. My mom remarried [when] I was seven. I didn't see my dad from when I was four until I was 16. It was 12 years of not having my dad." She quickly added that her stepdad, a pastor, was the one who raised her. "Pero hindi rin kasi mawawala sa bata yung biological father at tsaka hindi rin naman tinago sa'kin ng mom ko. So I feel like because I lost the stability and the security that I had to have as a child, medyo naging shaky yung teenage years ko."

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When she was 12, she became anorexic and bulimic; at around 18 years old, she became suicidal. Moira battled with depression, "drowning in negative thoughts of not being good enough." This is when she wrote "Malaya" and "Tagu-Taguan". "Tagpuan" was written when she met husband Jason Marvin

Speaking about the rejection she faced when she entered the industry, Moira reflected, "Yung pag-separate ng parents ko, nag-translate siya as rejection so yung mga hindi na-resolve before, nagpatong-patong sila. Nag-resurface lang."

Towards the end of the interview, Toni asked Moira who in her life she's forgiven and her answer? Her parents and herself. "I was very mean to myself. I always blamed myself for not being enough kaya naghiwalay yung parents ko. I think a lot of my pain and my depression was self-inflicted. Kung hindi ko siya ma-process, kasalanan ko na lang. 'Ang tanga tanga mo kasi, e. Why didn't you do this? You could've done this.' I'm very hard on myself. That really took away so much joy in me. I blamed myself for a lot. I blamed my parents for a lot."

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Moira is still going to therapy, something she wants to promote and normalize because "it's okay not to be okay. And it's okay to ask for help."

Watch Toni Gonzaga's full interview with Moira Dela Torre below:

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