Love can be… well, complicated. Sometimes, you’re so enamored with the new shiny toy in your hands, you forget to recharge (or even think about) your own batteries. And then you get cast to the side as the toy no one's playing with.
This can happen when you're in a one-sided relationship, which means you’re giving 80 percent of yourself to your partner, but only receiving 20 percent of them in return. “You are consistently investing more time, energy, and effort than what your partner is reciprocating,” says dating and relationship expert Lesley Edwards.
That said though, how can you really tell that you're not getting all of the attention you fully deserve in a relationship?
Well, consider the below “Am I In This By Myself?” checklist. If you can check off two or more of these as something that's currently happening in your own love life, it's offish: that sitch is officially one-sided, and it may be worth reevaluating…
1. They don't include you in future plans.
When you’re thinking down the road, you think in terms of “we” and “us.” But when your S.O. envisions themselves, they always use the terms “me” and “I.” If they haven't brought up their cousin’s wedding next summer, it’s possible they just may not know if you’ll still be a part of their life by then.
Forget how much you want a future with them, and instead, pay attention to how much they actually include you in theirs.
2. You cancel for them.
Girls' night, your sister’s birthday, a coworker’s going-away party... whatever the event might be, you end up ghosting for a sex appointment. “This most often occurs because you don’t know the next opportunity they'll talk to you again, so you feel like you have to capitalize on the offer right now,” says Edwards.
You can be all about seizing the moment, but not if it’s only consistently on bae's sched and when they decide to have time for you. Carpe-that-diem, girl.
3. You sacrifice what matters the most to you...
...so you can be more accommodating to your boo. Sure, it may not be his or her favorite thing to go brunch with your mom and sisters when they’re in town. But Lord knows you don’t love that green juice place where everything tastes like wheatgrass that they insist on ordering from on Sunday mornings. It's called compromise!
If it’s important to you and you want your person there, they should be understanding... and show the eff up.
4. You consider their needs before your own.
To a certain extent, this is inevitable in every relationship. Every couple goes through rough patches—a death in the family, a lay-off, depression funk, etc.—which may leave one partner leaning more on the other. But if you are consistently coddling their ego every time, all while they half-listen to your emotional vent sessions and never fully support you, they ain’t worth it.
5. You're DTR-ing (aka Defining The Relationship) while they're DTF-ing (aka Down To Fuck).
It’s easy to get caught up in the euphoric feelings of lust, love, and all that those two encompass when you’re catching feels. But make sure your mate is operating at the same speed as you.
“Ask yourself if they’ve earned your level of commitment,” Edwards says. In other words, if you’re solely monogamous with them, and yet you're catching other peeps popping up on their Snapchat (who are most definitely not family or friends), they may not be seeing you as their one and only. In which case, should you really be picking them up from the airport? I think the eff not.
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