We at Cosmo firmly believe that you can never have too much of a good thing—especially in the bedroom. That's why we're letting you in on some blissful news: With a little bit of know-how, you can experience more than one climax in a single sack session. In fact, from now on, you should have a new between-the-sheets mantra: No more one and done!
"The average woman is built to come again and again," says Rachel Carlton Abrams, MD, coauthor of The Multi-Orgasmic Woman. Meaning that once you've mastered that first peak, the climb to the next one is absolutely obtainable. "Women don't require a refractory period like men do, so we're able to stay aroused for longer and orgasm a second and third time with little effort," says Dr. Abrams.
Of course, sometimes just having a single full-body earthquake offers one hundred percent sack-satisfaction, and some of you might feel like calling it a night after your usual one-timer. That's fine. After all, having the option is the key to a smokin' sex life. However, for those times when you can't get enough of the good stuff, simply take these moregasm tips to heart (and to bed), and discover how to double your fun.
- Don't Be Single-Minded
The first step in plural peaking: Tune in to the mind-body connection. If you go into a hookup with limited expectations of your orgasm, you'll actually cause your body to limit its pleasure responses. In other words, if you assume you can only come once during intercourse...you will. The reason why understanding your frame of mind is so important? "After you've gotten there for the first time, rather than switching off mentally and sexually—which is what you do when you assume you've reached the finale—you need to remain expectant and open to further arousal," says Dr. Abrams. "It's all about knowing that your body is fully capable, even built, to experience deeper, longer, and more frequent orgasms."
Once you have the right attitude, the next step is making sure that you have some time on your hands. "One of the biggest misconceptions women have about multiple orgasms is that they happen by chance or that they're some sort of fluke," says Dr. Abrams. "But like anything else, they require a little effort and planning that you don't get from on-the-fly quickies." There's just no point in getting mentally geared up for all that extra action if you're not in the right circumstances to be able to enjoy yourself with your man.
And finally, make your guy privy to your mattress mission...kind of. "He won't just get that you're in the mood for something more drawn out," says Dr. Abrams. But rather than putting the heat on him by mentioning the word multiple (can you say "cold sweat"?), deliver your bed buddy a carnal challenge he can get excited about.
"Tell him that tonight you want to feel the slow burn. And to get that, you really want to draw out foreplay, and you have a few ideas for the main event, too," says Dr. Abrams. This way, you create a situation where he's not only keen to please, but he's eagerly anticipating your direction, too.
- Step Up The Sexercises
Consider this your ultimate down-there workout motivator: Strong PC (pubococcygeus) muscles have been demonstrated to be a crucial component to having multiples, says Beverly Whipple, PhD, coauthor of The G Spot: And Other Discoveries About Human Sexuality. (Remember, when they're not making you moan, these Kegel muscles—which surround the vaginal canal—are the ones that enable you to withhold urine.)
"Since your orgasm is essentially an intense contraction of your PC and pelvic floor muscles, strengthening them increases blood flow to the area and enables you to experience a deeper pleasure sensation and a repeated series of pulses," says Laura Berman, PhD, author of The Passion Prescription.
By now, you know the Kegels drill: Flex the muscles until you feel them tighten. Release. Tighten again. But there's a tweak that will get more mileage out of your orgasm, and it only takes a minute. "It's called the Pelvic Connecting Crunch, and it's a more effective sexercise because it uses your transverse abdominals and inner thighs to engage the PC muscles and work it harder," says Berman.
Here's how to do it: Start by lying on your back with knees bent and feet on the floor. Place something, like a ball, between your inner thighs. Engage your Kegels by concentrating on bringing them in, up, and back. Inhale, and feel the tension extend up your stomach and spine. Lift your head and shoulders slightly off the ground, and hold this position for 10 seconds. Once your PCs are in primo shape, you can use them to your advantage during sex. When the time is right, the moment you feel that first contraction of orgasm, "don't let it slip away," says Dr. Abrams. "Keep pumping your muscles in small bursts to draw out the wave and create momentum for the next series of orgasmic contractions." This way, you use your newfound strength to move beyond the initial climax and into the pleasurable realm beyond.
- Max Out Foreplay
Now that you're naked (and in the right mind-set), take the heavy lifting out of your first peak. To do that, point your man south. "For most women, clitoral stimulation from oral sex is the easiest way for them to climax," says Dr. Abrams. "And having your guy help you get there before intercourse means that your body will be geared up to come again and respond to the added vaginal stimulation during sex, rather than still struggling to orgasm for the first time." And even if you don't come during foreplay, don't fast-track the fun stuff: Your guy pampering you down there still paves the way for multiples. "If you're aroused slowly, then you'll stay aroused for longer, and unlike manual stimulation, his tongue is flexible, soft, and strong—the perfect tool for making that happen," says Dr. Abrams.
Ask him to caress you down there with his tongue for a minute or so before pulling away for a few seconds. Then, have him dive right back in. "Oral teasing techniques prime the body to expect that after each peak of sensation, another one is coming," says Dr. Abrams. "And it remembers that lesson when you orgasm—after one, it'll stay in that prepped state for more stimulation, putting you on the track to come again."
- Take A Mini Time-Out
Once you come for the first time, you're probably in the habit of pulling away from him because you're so sensitive to his touch. And rightly so: "After an orgasm, a lot of nerve pathways have been stimulated, and there's been a tremendous surge in blood flow," says Whipple. "So it's completely natural for some women to want to take a break from stimulation in those moments immediately following."
But here's the difference between a sack session that finishes here with a happy ending and one that continues on to multiple peaks: If you fall into a stupefied pleasure coma, you're done. If you resume touching an area that is not hypersensitive, you bring it on.
To do it, "give the vaginal area a break for a minute, and have your partner suck your fingers, kiss you, or caress your breasts," says Dr. Abrams. "The stroking in other regions will keep your nerves and sensual energy on high alert while your nether regions cool off just enough to take his caresses all over again."
Remember, you don't want to entirely put the kibosh on intimate contact. Otherwise, you'll have to work that much harder to get to a heightened state of arousal. So keep up the caressing until you feel that hypersensitivity draining away and the heat returning to your moan zone.
- Hit The Hottest Spot
Another common denominator that multiorgasmic women share: They know to bridge the gap from single to multiple by stimulating the G-spot, that spongelike moan zone behind the pubic bone. Here's why: "While that area is highly responsive to touch, it's also strong and resilient enough to stand up to a lot of stimulation," says Dr. Abrams.
As we said earlier, a good trick is to come initially from clitoral stroking. But then, once that area becomes supersensitive, move on to stimulate your G-spot to unleash the next orgasmic wave. Now that you're there, the best positions to milk this feel-good sensation are reverse cowgirl and doggie-style, which are good bets because they tend to stroke that area naturally.
To sweeten the pot, make sure you treat these positions as full-contact sports. That means having him fondle your breasts or trail his nails down your back as you ride him silly and creating constant contact by rubbing your clitoris against his body in a rocking motion in addition to thrusting. You get the picture.
As for why this pleasure combo works like a charm, according to Dr. Abrams, the more areas you engage while stimulating the G-spot, the better. "One study found that women are more likely to have additional orgasms if they are stimulating several body parts at the same time," she says. "Your body never quite knows exactly what to expect next and is more likely to respond." Over and over again.
YOUR BIG O PRIMER
This back-to-basics guide will refresh you on hitting the high note next time you're nude.
- Clear your mind.
Push out unwanted thoughts by focusing on something sexy, like how hot your guy looks in the shower, or conjuring up an image that excites you during masturbation.
- Go solo.
Masturbation is perhaps the most crucial step to peaking with a guy. It allows you to feel out your climax triggers and then show them to your man.
- Let him at you.
Don't be self-conscious about receiving pleasure and, more important, telling him you're not ready to move on if he tries to accelerate too soon.
- Use your PC muscles.
When you're close to orgasm, tighten and relax your Kegels. This alone can sometimes trigger a real orgasm.
- Stay in the moment.
If you get caught up in "Argh, I'm not going to come" thinking, tune back into the physical by touching yourself.
- Keep your position.
The key to climaxing is steady stimulation, so when you're almost there, hold off on the erotic acrobatics. Instead, stick with a position that's hitting your hot spots and stay there until you come.
SOURCE: Beverly Whipple, Professor Emerita at Rutgers University; Rachel Carlton Abrams, MD, co-author of The Multi-Orgasmic Woman; San Francisco Sex Therapist Seth Prosterman, PhD.