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3 Sitches To Get Him To Take The Lead

We want to have things our way...but we do want a man who can take control. Read on to see how to keep your power while you get him to step up.
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In the midst of the month that celebrates commitment, it's discouraging to feel like you're investing more in "making things work" with the guy you've been seeing, while he's not taking any initiative. Sometimes that's purely his fault, while other times it's because you won't give him the chance. Maybe you're used to calling the shots, but when your man is robbed of opportunities to take charge, the equilibrium in the relationship is thrown off. Get it back without compromising your power.

1. Get Him To Take The Lead In... Pursuing You

"Early on in dating, women worry that a guy will lose interest, and they try to fill the gaps to get reassurance," says Cleveland clinical psychologist Joseph Rock, PsyD. But, you can train yourself to cope with more distance. Nix the daily "just saying hi" e-mails and calls or unplanned drop-ins. Don't nudge for future dates ("See you on Friday?"). He'll realize that the only way to ensure he'll see you is by mapping it out himself.

2. Get Him To Take The Lead In… Social Planning

Sure, it may feel like second nature to assume the role of social-activity coordinator. "But that doesn't leave him any room to plan fun outings or to be spontaneous," says Arlington, Texas, psychologist Joyce Buckner, PhD. The fix: Give him license to select a date destination or Saturday night event. Should his idea not match up with what you would've picked, suck it up! Over time, you can begin to shape his suggestions.

3. Get Him To Take The Lead In… Bed

He may not take charge for fear you won't like deviating from your way. "If you want him to switch things up, set the scene for creativity or change so it's appealing for him to go out on a limb," says Rock. Ask what his naughty fantasies are, and say you'd be open to acting one out. Hint that you're game for an out-of-bedroom experience, too. Give broad, sexy feedback, such as "I love these hot surprises—keep 'em coming!"
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