If there's one thing I believe in when it comes to dating, it's leading with my freak flag first. Why waste my own time and make me leave my apartment for a second date when I can ask a first date his date, time, and place of birth immediately after we sit down.
While you and your date probably know your own sun sign, you might not know your rising sign (how others see you) or moon sign (how you act in relationships). The moon sign is selfishly the only one I care about when it comes to dating, because while I might be a Leo sun, I identify way more with my testy Scorpio moon insecurities. While I might be an attention seeking (Leo) type-A (rising Virgo) person, my shameful Scorpio tendencies drive me way further than any Leo or Virgo traits.
Side note: As for the actual birth charting, I recommend using this one from CafeAstrology (the bare-bones site gives it extra authority in my book) or this one from Astrolabe. These are great because you can plug in your birth date, time, and place of birth, and you'll get one easy-to-read scrolling chart analysis. You don't need to create any accounts, so you can open up your own chart in a separate tab and compare back and forth. It's perfect for poring over while on a date. For more in-depth breakdowns, I also like the Co-Star and Pattern apps. Although, keep in mind, for the apps you'll need to create an account, so it's better to have your date sign up on their phone for those.
Sure, asking a first date to compare your birth charts might be "intense" and "coming on too strong," but if you're curious enough to try to pry this info out of him at a later time, why not just do it the very first time you two meet? What, we can fuck on the first date, but birth charts are still taboo? Take a lap, society. I think TF not!
I understand where the hesitation comes from after being propositioned: "Let's plug in our birthdates and see if the stars say we'll be together forever." But that's exactly what makes it an activity worth doing—it shows whether or not the other person is even open to compatibility.
I'm so over dudes who download dating apps and volley tepid convo back and forth for a week, only to show up in-person and be like, "Yeah, I just stumbled into the same bar as you by accident. I really don't care at all about where this goes—I honestly dissociated and walked here in a fugue state. Please call my parents." Putting in effort to meet people is not embarrassing unless you over-correct yourself and pretend like you don't care.
And think about it: Someone who can't even entertain the idea of doing your birth chart together isn't someone you really want to be with. It's the first date and you should both be on your best behavior. If he's gonna shit all over some harmless personality test circle jerk, he's not the one! Can you imagine trying to get him to listen to you vent about work or family drama later on? It's going to be like pulling teeth.
This is like an allergy test: You're injecting a lil' bit of playacting relationship talk into the night to see how he'll react. And if he can't fuck with something as low-stakes as a birth chart reading one drink in, how are you possibly going to raise a family of chubby dogs together? How will you play M.A.S.H. when you take said dogs to the park on Sunday mornings if he can't even passively admit he wants a future with someone?
You see, deep down, you know you're curious if this is your soulmate sitting across from you, currently missing his mouth with the straw every time he raises his gin and tonic to his lips. You know you do!
Besides, everyone likes hearing about themselves. Everyone. We as people are inherently selfish creatures. I don't care how much someone poo-poos astrology, I DARE you to say "That's such a [insert their sign here] thing," after any sentence and see if they don't immediately foam at the mouth and choke on their own tongue spitting out "How so?" in response.
And yes, you can totally suss out the good guys with this. Perry*, the most recent guy I've foisted my early-astrology trust fall onto, told me afterwards that he was into it. "It seemed like a good way to talk about meaningful things without doing it directly, which might've been too uncomfortable," Perry said.
Honestly, spoken like a true double Libra with a Leo moon.
*Not his real name, obvs.
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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.