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So You Want To Send Him A Sext—How Exactly Do You Start?

Here's a helpful little guide for when you're feeling extra naughty.
A guide on sexting
PHOTO: Getty Images/iStockphoto

No matter what stage you're at in your relationship, it can be difficult to tell someone how you feel—especially if what you feel is horny. Despite the fact that technology has made it easier for two people to communicate, sexting can feel awkward if it's not something you're used to. Just like having sex for the first time, it takes some prepping—and a lot of communication. Because we're currently experiencing a pandemic, couples are finding themselves in unintentional long-distance relationships and people who are attempting to date via apps have to deal with another set of challenges (like, do you even meet up for physical dates?). So if sexting is something you're considering, where exactly do you begin?

How do you start sexting?

The short answer? Consent. It is extremely important that the person on the receiving end of your sext is open to doing this with you. It requires constant communication. Society has programmed people to think that when a woman sends you a surprise nude photo of herself, their partners should be grateful (and that unsolicited dick picks are the only enemy), but consent is a two-way street.

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Plus, a little heads up would help both of you avoid an awkward situation. What if you send someone a dirty text while he or she is showing their lola a video on their phone, 'di ba? You'd be putting that person in a tight spot and you didn’t consent to having that person see whatever it is you just sent. If you've never had a conversation about sexting before, bring it up casually while you two are already in the mood. Once your terms are established, then you can give them a ~heads-up~ by saying something semi-safe like, "Bored ako. What would you do to me if we were together right now?"

Not sure what to say? Here are other ways to try sexting:

  1. Think physical. The whole reason you two are sexting right now is because you can't be physically together and you're trying to recreate that experience. So something along the lines of, "I'm a little chilly right now. Wish you were here to keep me warm," or "Remember when we got frisky nung last movie date natin? I can't wait to do that again."
  2. Talk about your fantasies. It's really as simple as asking them what their secret sexual fantasy is. It's also a way to let your partner know that they can let their imagination run wild and you're open to exploring each other's kinks.
  3. Rely on pop-culture. This one's for if you're really, really mahiyain and you can't bring yourself to say what you want (yet): You can refer to a hot scene from a show or a movie. And I'm almost certain you have at least one scene in mind. For example, "Do you remember that one episode from Sex and the City when…?" or Do you want to rewatch 365 Days together?" LOL, promise, they'll know where you're going with this.
  4. Or you know, just ask for a pic. "Send me a photo of yourself right now." Given that you've both already consented, the urgency that comes with needing to "see" someone right away can be be a huge turn-on. So now the question is, if you've never taken or sent a sexy pic, how do you take the perfect thirst trap?
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How do you take a thirst trap photo?

If—and only if—you're comfortable snap a sexy pic and sending it to someone, it really boils down on the lighting and angle. I don't know about you but I usually don't like receiving overexposed photos of someone's dick taking up three-fourths of the frame. I call that a missed opportunity, lol. By now, you probably already know your angles and depending on how much you want to ~show~ in your pic, you can go with the ever-reliable natural light or play with shadows to tease your partner.

An important reminder:

Technology, as wonderful as it is, has its disadvantages. People lose their phones and accounts get hacked. Many have experienced having their intimate photos leaked online—and some of the perpetrators were people they trusted. Consider these scenarios when you talk to your partner about the sexting boundaries you want to set. These risks may even influence the kind of photos you're comfortable taking and sharing. It's all about making an informed decision together. 

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